


Grumpy Cat

by Dadzawa



Category: BnHA
Genre: ADHD Disaster Bi™ Kaminari Denki, BakuSquad™ Shenanigans, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Dadzawa, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, I love that that’s the first tag for him, I see your ace Dadzawa and raise you one aro Dadzawa, I wanna say slow burn but let’s be real I don’t have the patience for that, I’m winging the fuck out of this, Kaminari is intelligent, M/M, Tagging as I go, You can pry that out of my cold dead hands, but I’m gonna have fun doing it, cat cafe fic, first fic, if that changes I’ll let you know, is this how you tag???, literally have no idea what I’m doing, probably no smut???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-08-21 11:05:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dadzawa/pseuds/Dadzawa
Summary: Basically Bakugou is a law student who went to a cat cafe and met a cute barista (Kiri lol), fluff and maaayyybeeee slight angst to follow? Idk man, summaries suck :/EDIT: oh, there’s going to be angst :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hightress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hightress/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Grumpy Cat And The Barista](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437857) by [Hightress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hightress/pseuds/Hightress). 



> So hi, this is my first fic here (or anywhere, really…), please give me all the constructive criticism!! This is NOT my original work!! I read Hightress’s one shot _The Grumpy Cat and the Barista_ like a week ago and asked if I could continue the series. You should absolutely read that one first, cuz the entirety of this work picks up right where TGCATB leaves off.

Katsuki jogged up the steps, down the hall, and threw open the door to his dorm room. “Alright half-n-half, I left you alone, now get the fuck out!”

Todoroki wasn’t there. 

Perfect. 

He tossed his bag under his bed and flopped on his bed with a huff. For a moment he simply lay there, allowing his body, heart, and mind to settle. Once his muscles finished relaxing he rolled over into his stomach and pulled out his phone. 

The contact stared him in the face. “Shitty Hair”, it read. Katsuki grinned lightly, only to scowl when he noticed the battery was at 5%. After locating his charger, he plugged it in and opened a new text chat. 

He stared at that damn blinky line, at a complete loss. How does one initiate a conversation? Katsuki is no stranger to saying whatever is on his mind, but it was always done with the intent to reject human interaction, not encourage it. 

How does one?!

Me: that uniform is an eyesore

Me: you’re really loud

Me: jfc your hair is terrible

In the end, Katsuki sends none of those texts and deletes them all. 

Me: hey

With an irritated sigh, Katsuki hit send and turned the screen off. He moved to bury his face in the pillow, only to feel the phone buzz in his hand. A text. That was all it took for his head to snap up, so hard he almost gave himself whiplash. 

Shitty Hair: heyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

Shitty Hair: so like

Shitty Hair: whats ur name?

Shitty Hair: I’m Kirishima btw

Shitty Hair: Kirishima Eijirou!!!!!!!!!

Katsuki frowned and replayed the time at the cat cafe in his head. Walk in, yell about the Shitty Hair™, get seated, write, tea, watch Shitty Hair and get caught, get his number…oh. My. God. 

Katsuki never introduced himself. 

Me: my name is Bakugou

Shitty Hair: oh cool!!

Shitty Hair: well just to b sure, ur the angry blond who came in w/o a reservation, yeah?

Me: I didn’t even want to go to the stupid cat cafe to begin with

Me: but yeah that’s me

Shitty Hair: if u didn’t want to come then y did u stay?

Why indeed. The problem wasn’t that Katsuki didn’t have an answer—it was that every answer he could think of was either too weird, too personal, or both. He hesitated, trying to pick the least embarrassing response. 

Me: I didn’t feel like trying to find another one

There. That wasn’t terrible—extra points for being true, too. 

Shitty Hair: understandable lol

Alright, enough beating around the bush. 

Me: I don’t know what you’re expecting, but I’m not here to half-ass anything

Shitty Hair: what r u doing friday?

Katsuki blinked, surprised. Then he snorted softly to himself. Looks like Shitty Hair wasn’t interested in half-assing anything, either. 

Me: I’ve got a lecture until six

Me: I’m free after that tho

Me: you?

Shitty Hair: exam at 4, I’ll be done by like 6:30-7 tho

Shitty Hair: movie then dinner?

Me: sounds good

Me: any preference?

Shitty Hair: the new all might movie just came out

Shitty Hair: wanna c that?

Katsuki had to physically restrain himself from keysmashing, he was so excited. No, play it cool. Play it cool. 

…

Fuck it. 

Me: FUCK YES I’VE BEEN WANTING TO SEE THAT FOR AGES

Me: for dinner I know a good mexican place that’s decently priced

Me: stays open late too

Shitty Hair: sounds good!!

Shitty Hair: not sure how well I can handle spicy Mexican tho 

Me: what, are you a little bitch who can’t handle some spice or something?

Oh. Oh no. This is not how you make Friends™, is it? Quick delete it…that was not the delete button. 

Fuck. 

Shitty Hair: its not that I can’t handle it

Shitty Hair: …

Shitty Hair: ok I cant handle it

Shitty Hair: u like spicy stuff?

Me: if I can still feel my face after I’m done eating, it wasn’t spicy enough

Shitty Hair: hey I got a perfect tea for u then!!!!!

Shitty Hair: next time u come into the cc I’ll make it for u ;) 

“Next time”?! He could barely afford going once…

Shitty Hair: so if u don’t mind

Shitty Hair: I’ll just like

Shitty Hair: spam u with questions nd u can answer or ignore them if u want

Shitty Hair: if u really want me to stfu just lmk nd I’ll do that too

Me: wut

Shitty Hair: here goes!!!!

Shitty Hair: what’s ur major? Y do u like spicy stuff so much? Y were u looking for a cafe today? What’s ur workout look like? What r u writing? What’s ur fav movie? Fav song? Fav color? Fav animal? 

Jesus CHRIST, that’s a lot of questions. Why does this guy want to know so much about him right from the get-go? Although to be fair…Katsuki didn’t give him much to go off of, just a few insults and a creepy stare from the corner of a cat cafe. He didn’t even give Shitty Hair his name. 

And as Katsuki settled in to answer the questions he was asked (because come on, that’s some pretty basic shit right there and honestly he wanted to know all those things about Shitty Hair, too), that one thought kept running through his head:

He never introduced himself. Like that’s the one thing you’re expected to do when you meet new people, right? It’s even worse to not introduce yourself to your future partner when you meet them in person for the first time. And fuck that online dating bullcrap, ever heard of catfishing? That shit can kindly crawl back into the sewers with the rest of it, where it goddamn BELONGS. 

Really though, how hard would it have been to say, “My name is Bakugou, and you better check your damn phone”? But nooooo, Katsuki has to be just antisocial and awkward enough to make Shitty Hair ask him over text. Oh crap…he didn’t even ask for his number in person! No, he had to get caught by the earphone bitch while in the middle of wondering what it would be like to be picked up and pinned against a wall by those beefy arms. 

Mmm, beefy arms…

Wait, they’re still texting, right? Did Katsuki ever reply, or did he just lie there daydreaming and cursing himself for not having the correct social skills required to actually make people want to be around him?

…fuck, it was the latter.

Me: I’m a law major, I like spicy shit because why tf not, I was looking for a cafe cuz my roommate kicked me out to take a nap—

_—Where the fuck is that half-n-half bastard, anyway?—_

—come with me on Tuesday at 3 if you wanna see what my workout looks like, the first All Might movie, Glory by The Score, orange, and lions. 

Katsuki learned a lot about Shitty Hair from the resulting conversation; for example, he was a sociology/psychology double major, his favorite color was (unsurprisingly) red, he’s working part time at the cat cafe (named Kitty Korner Kafe) as a favor for a friend, he loves all the old Crimson Riot movies, he’s co-creating an original webcomic with some friends, his favorite song is S. I. N. G. by My Chemical Romance, and his favorite animal is a wolf. And before either of them knew it, the conversation devolved into memes and it was 11:30 at night. Katsuki hadn’t had anything to eat in hours, and he was fucking exhausted…yet he couldn’t find anything in him that regretted the hours spent texting Kirishima. 

Me: fuck I need to eat and sleep

Me: got an early day tomorrow

Shitty Hair: awww :(

Shitty Hair: well just so u kno

Shitty Hair: I’m not interested in half-assing anything, either.

Shitty Hair: You don’t seem like the kind of guy who would waste his time with dating, so if you’re trying this with me it means that you’re gonna be giving it your all, right?

Shitty Hair: So I’m not gonna waste your time, either. 

Shitty Hair: lmao unless I’m totally reading u wrong in which case disregard everything I just said about u

Shitty Hair: still not gonna half-ass this tho

Shitty Hair: gn blasty!!!!!! sleep well

Me: night shitty hair

Me: and don’t tell me what to do

Me: also who the fuck said you could call me blasty?!

Shitty Hair: BHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Katsuki growled softly at the screen and turned it off, then looked up to see icythot staring at him like he had grown an extra head or something. 

“The fuck are you staring at?”

His roommate blinked and replied, “Nothing. I’ve just never seen you so…not angry before. It’s weird.”

“Fuck you, it’s not weird,” Katsuki scoffed, rolling off his bed. He stretched, catlike, and made his way to the door. Almost nothing would be open, so he was just going to steal some of the instant ramen from the communal kitchen area and add some veggies. (Listen, just cuz he’s a broke college kid doesn’t mean he can’t be interested in not getting scurvy.) On any other night, he would’ve run out and grabbed some ingredients to make a properly fucking balanced meal, but for tonight overly salty ramen would do. 

Katsuki found the room light off and Todoroki asleep by the time he got back. Turning to his own bed, he faceplanted into his pillow and his thoughts turned to Kirishima. The last clear picture in his mind was that blindingly bright smile, and the last clear thought was _Fuck, I’m in deep_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this…well, technically I guess it’s the second chapter? Lmao who knows, just know that I’m really excited about where this is going and I can’t wait for this beginning stuff to be out of the way ((cuz I hate writing beginnings and I feel like it shows)). Anyway if you stuck around this long, thanks!! Next chapter should probably be up in a week, please leave kudos and/or a comment on the way out!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s their first date~!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this was long and a bitch and a half to write, but now that it’s over, I have…ideas 3:)))
> 
> I’m gonna shut up now cuz this chapter is LITERALLY three times the length of the first lmao (consistent chapter length? Who??)

“…and that, my dear listeners, is why you should never eat twelve ears of corn in a single sitting. Don’t forget your final essays are due in my office Wednesday at 4! Don’t be late cuz it’s half your grade!”

The whole lecture hall exploded into a flurry of shuffling papers, conversations, and the scrape of chairs against the floor as Professor Yamada ended his inane story. Katsuki sighed and rolled the kinks out of his neck, back, and shoulders as he stood up. He shoved his shit in his bag and took a quick glance at the time—5:45. Good, he has a little more time to get ready for his date. 

Oh God, he has a date. No, focus. Just show up, watch the movie, eat, talk, and then go home. Dating is not that hard, and even if it was, he’s Bakugou motherfucking Katsuki—he can do anything. It’s also not as if they won’t have anything to talk about, either. Since they met a few days ago, he and Shitty Hair had had multiple conversations lasting late into the night (read: way past Katsuki’s regular bedtime). Multiple nights of falling asleep thinking of that voice, those arms, that smile…

Ok, Katsuki might be a little…excited…to see him again. Yamada ending early just means he has more time to figure out what he’s going to wear. Maybe take a shower. 

Oof. He caught a whiff of himself as he slung his bag on his shoulder. Yeah…he was definitely taking a shower with that extra time. 

“Bakugou!”

Fuck. Off. 

“Hey, where you going, Bakubro? I thought we were gonna go over our essays together after class?”

The irritating extra speaking was that damn dyed-blond, knockoff Pikachu bitch. 

“I told you asshole, something came up and I can’t make it today,” Katsuki growled, shrugging off the arm that had very rudely draped itself across his shoulders. “Jesus. Fuck off already, Pikachu. And take a shower, you stink.”

He squawked indignantly. “I do not! And my name is Kaminari, I must have introduced myself at least fifty times over the course of the semester!”

“Whatever. Just get off me already. Tomorrow work?”

“Yeah. Lunch?”

“Fine.”

“Bye to you too, Bakubro!!”

“And don’t call me that!”

Katsuki turned down the path leading to his dorm to the sound of Pikachu’s parting, “Then don’t call me Pikachu!” He rolled his eyes, popped his earbuds in, and opened Spotify. His studying playlist was already queued up, so he hit play and continued on his way to the relaxing sound of Tom Bergersen’s Empire of Angels, while turning over outfit ideas in his mind. 

When he finally opened the door, he saw that chimaera turd throwing his bag over his shoulder. Katsuki stepped aside and let his roommate leave without a word. As the door shut, he shot over to closet—shedding his bag on the way—and began looking for a suitable first-date outfit. 

Black tank, black tank, lounge pants, cargo shorts, black skull shirt, slacks, khakis, white button-down…he went through the entirety of his closet with a growing sense of annoyed panic as he realized his “style”, such as it was, was more of an exhibition of ultra laid-back clothing and fancy shit he wore for his paid internship. The problem with these two extremes being, obviously, that nothing was ideal for a first date. He took a look at the clock on his desk and violently cursed under his breath. 6:07. He and Shitty Hair were going to meet at the theater at 7, and it was a 20 minute walk. 

Okay, Katsuki. _Breathe_. The soft piano and strings of whatever song was playing now began grating on his nerves, so he stopped the music and yanked out his earbuds. 

Running his hands through his hair, Katsuki sorted through his options again. Lounge pants were out: too casual, and besides it was starting to get a little too warm for them. The slacks were out for a similar reason: too warm, and they were too dressy for dinner and a movie. 

The cargo shorts would have to do. 

Now that pants have been taken care of, he needs a shirt. 

…

Why are all his shirts some shade of black?! No, no, this is fine. If there’s one thing he learned from his old lady, it’s that black goes with _anything_. So then…this tank top, and…something to wear over top. At the very back of his closet Katsuki found a burnt orange flannel that completed the look nicely. He checked the time again. 6:15. 

Perfect. He grabbed the outfit and hauled ass to the showers. Hop in, hop out, dry, deodorant, dress. 

6:35. His hair would be a little wet, but it should dry fast enough in the late spring heat. 

In the remaining five minutes, Katsuki grabbed his keys, phone, wallet, and slid his feet into his trainers. Then he was gone and headed to meet Kirishima, and no, he was _not_ skipping. Not even a little bit. 

———————

“That was…so MANLY!” Shitty Hair cried, still sniffling and wiping at stray tears. “But he was just a kid, he didn’t deserve to die like that! “Mr. Yagi, I don’t feel so good…” he was fifteen, Bakugou!”

Katsuki scoffed. “Please, you don’t actually think he’ll stay dead, do you? The character is too marketable. Just wait, the franchise will find a way to bring them all back.” That being said, it was astonishingly effective to have a child death be one of the last ones they showed. Even Katsuki was upset, though he was logical enough to know that nobody that marketable would stay dead. 

The other moviegoers seemed to be more in-between. Some, like Shitty Hair, were obviously very upset by the mass death they had just witnessed onscreen. Others, like Katsuki, had a more rational outlook on the whole thing. And then there were the few who had seen the movie before–the ones who were talking about the CGI, or the difference between comics and movie, or any one of a dozen topics that didn’t revolve around the major character death. 

Looking at his companion, Katsuki could see that this was something Shitty Hair would need some time to recover from. “Come on then,” he tsk-ed. “The restaurant is this way.”

“Oh, yeah!” He perked up at the mention of food, and that damn smile lit up his face like a Christmas tree again. Katsuki quickly averted his eyes, because he knew that if he didn’t he would be staring for the rest of the night. And that’s creepy. He let his gaze wander, desperately trying to find a safe place to focus on. _Collarbones? No, not with the way they’re framed by that jacket. Chest? God no, it’s unfair how well that shirt fits him. It looks painted on for fucks sake._

 _Fuck. Ok, lower…oh bullshit. No jeans should fit so well._ Looking at Shitty Hair was proving to be too problematic for Katsuki, so he jerked his gaze away and resolutely focused on what was in front of him. 

“Bakugou?”

“What?”

“I asked when you got into the All Might movies.”

“Not sure. I grew up watching them.” There was more to the story, more to the reason Katsuki was so fixated on All Might’s actor, Kenta Miyake…but that’s not something he was willing to get into on the first date. 

“Oh? I grew up reading the All Might comics and from there I found Crimson Riot. He’s an older hero with not as many spinoffs, but I always liked him best! He, ah…well, his character, at least…helped me through a lot.” Kirishima laughed awkwardly, then switched gears slightly. “You remember how I said me and a group of friends are making a mini-comic? Well we all have our own oc’s, and mine is an homage to Crimson Riot! His name is Red Riot and he can make his skin as hard as he wants…”

He continued talking animatedly about his character, and with every word it was clear that he poured a lot of care and effort into fleshing out Red Riot as more than just a knucklehead. As he continued, the topic slowly changed from Red Riot to the rest of his friends’ characters, and ultimately what they planned to do with the plot. 

“…and then Alien Queen is gonna come in and shoot her acid like *pew pew*, and Cellophane ties up the others that Chargebolt and Red Riot stunned! How does that sound, Bakugou?”

“We’re here.”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, we are, aren’t we?”

He stole a look at Shitty Hair as they were seated. Crap. He looked dejected…because Katsuki didn’t offer feedback on the plot? Well, he was having such a good time explaining every bit of it to him…maybe…

“It sounds like an actual fight scene from a comic.”

Bingo. Shitty Hair looked startled for a second, then a bashful grin started to spread across his face. “Y-you really think so? I haven’t even told you about all the one-liners yet, and we haven’t gotten to that point in the actual comic yet, and it’s gonna be a bitch and a half to draw, but…you really think it sounds good?”

“I don’t say anything unless I mean it, Shitty Hair.”

And that was the sole line that brought his gigawatt smile back out in full force. Katsuki could swear the whole restaurant got five times brighter. He ducked his head so Shitty Hair couldn’t see the blush that started creeping over his face and opened the menu. “If you want something less spicy, try the chicken fajitas. Nothing here is completely without peppers, but that has the least of everything else on this menu.”

“Ok, chicken fajitas it is! What are you gonna get?”

“The chili is amazing.”

“Can I have a bite? How did you find this place, anyway?”

“Shitty Hair, you would not be able to deal with the chili I’m getting.”

He pouted and fuck, that’s adorable. “I totally could! How hot can you—oh. Oh right. You like your food so hot you can’t feel your face when you’re done, right?”

Katsuki gave a feral grin in response. “Damn fucking straight.”

His date shuddered with a melodramatic, “Alright then, keep your chili. I, for one, prefer being able to feel my face at the end of the night, thank you very much.”

“Hey there, Thotsuki~! How has my favorite little cousin been?”

FUCK, she was working tonight?!

Shitty Hair coughed violently in that way that means someone is trying reeeaaally hard to cover a sudden laughing fit. Katsuki shot him a dirty look and turned to his older cousin. “Tako you shitstain, why the fuck are you here?”

“I happen to work here, ya little shit. And who,” she purred, turning to Kirishima, “is this?”

“Ah, I’m Kirishima Eijirou! Do you know Bakugou?”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, he’s cute Thotsuki! I’m his cousin, Takeyama Yuu! Nice to meet you~”

“Nice to meet you too!”

“If we’re done with the bullshit,” Katsuki growled, “can you do your fucking job and get us our goddamn food?”

“Hold your horses kiddo, I’m getting there. First I need to give our good Mr. Kirishima Eijirou here a good old-fashioned shovel talk!”

Oh no. At this point Katsuki simply groaned and began banging his head on the table, hoping against hope that he would knock himself out before he could hear the rest of this conversation. 

“So, I’m not sure how you two met, but I’m sure you’ve learned by now that Katsuki here isn’t exactly the embodiment of sweetness. Which, naturally, begs the question: why the fuck did you agree to see him again? But we’ll leave that for a later date, and focus on the fact that even though he’s rude and crude, Katsuki is still my baby cousin and if I see him come in here with a broken void where his heart would be I’ll make damn sure nobody will ever find your body, k? Now, what can I get you two tonight?”

“A serving of death,” Katsuki growled, forehead still pressed against the cool wood of the table. 

“A bowl of chili as hot as humanly possible with mango jarritos for Thotsuki,” she muttered to herself, clicking her pen and jotting it down in that weird restaurant shorthand. “And for you, Kirishima?”

“Uh…can I get the, um, chicken fajitas with a coke, please?”

“Sure thing, hun. Enjoy your date, lovebirds!”

“Fuck off Tako!”

Katsuki refused to lift his head after she left. Maybe if he never got up, Yuu would never come back and another server would come by with their food. 

“So…your cousin?”

“She’s my mom’s sister’s kid. We would see each other pretty often growing up, I’m pretty sure she sees me as some kind of fuckin’ pet or something,” he muttered to the table. “Fuck, if I knew she would be working tonight I would never have come here. Probably shoulda gone to McDonald’s or something…”

Shitty Hair had the audacity to laugh. “C’mon man, if anything she sees you as a little brother. I should know, I have two older sisters. They’re twins, and they pull that stuff on me all the time.”

He kept yammering away about his sisters, named Eimio and Eiko, 28 years old, who were partner tour guides in the Kirishima mountains in Japan, until Yuu came back with their food.

And then everything went to shit. 

“Alrighty lovebirds, here’s your—” and she tripped on her ridiculous platform shoes and sent the food flying, all. Over. Kirishima. And. Katsuki. 

Katsuki exploded. 

“WHAT THE FUCK, YUU?! WHY WOULD YOU WEAR THOSE RETARDED-ASS ABOMINATIONS IN A RESTAURANT? YOU WERE JUST ASKING FOR SHIT LIKE THIS TO HAPPEN AND IT JUST HAD TO BE ALL OVER ME AND MY DATE! WHY DON’T YOU GO BACK TO WORKING AT THE NAIL SALON—OH RIGHT, THEY FIRED YOU FOR BEING A CLUMSY PIECE OF SHIT!”

“BAKUGOU!”

Katsuki jerked his focus from Yuu, sprawled on the floor in a puddle of food and glass—and a few drips of blood?—to Kirishima, who looked more pissed than Katsuki thought possible. 

“It was an accident, and there’s no call to be that mean to her!” Turning away, he knelt down to Yuu’s level and said gently, “Are you ok, Ms. Takeyama?”

“Fine, I just—I accidentally cut my hand on Katsuki’s broken jarritos bottle. I am so sorry you two, it—I just—”

“Don’t apologize, ok? It was just a small accident, nobody is hurt badly. Do you need help standing?”

“Yeah, I just…I’m not sure where it’s safe to put my hands, if there’s broken glass around or what…”

“Here, take my hands.”

“Thank you.”

By now the chef had come out to see what all the commotion was for—luckily for them, ten thirty at night wasn’t exactly a busy time for the restaurant, so it was just Kirishima, Yuu, the chef, and Katsuki. Now that the crash wasn’t so immediate, and the tension had died down a lot, Katsuki wondered if he maybe overreacted, slightly. That crack about her being clumsy was low, especially considering Yuu had spatial reasoning difficulties. She legitimately did not know where she was in relation to other objects near her sometimes. He _knew_ that. 

“I’ll get the first-aid kit,” the chef volunteered. 

“Thanks Nishiya,” Yuu called after him as he was walking away. She turned to Kirishima and said, “I’m really sorry to mess up your clothes. I’ll pay for a new outfit…”

“No it’s fine, Ms. Takeyama—“

“Oh sweetie,” she laughed, “don’t call me that, it makes me sound old! Call me Yuu. Besides, I just spilled your dinner all over you—what possible formality could still exist?”

“Alright Yuu, really it’s fine. I was probably never gonna wear these again anyway, they’re getting a little small on me,” he insisted, chili splatters on his cheek. “Where’s the bathroom? I kinda want to clean up a little.”

Yuu turned to Katsuki after Kirishima left, lowering her voice. “That crash was right by your ear, are you ok?”

This fucking bitch. _Goddamnit, Yuu, you’re the one who fell and cut yourself, so why would you worry about some asshole who deliberately aimed for a sore spot?_

“H-here it is,” the chef stuttered, breathlessly. He plonked the kit on the table and made his way back to the sanctity of his kitchen. 

“Tch.” Katsuki turned abruptly and yanked open the first aid kit like it had done him personal wrong. “What the fuck are you apologizing for, idiot,” he muttered. “You’re the one bleeding for fucks sake.”

He grabbed sanitary wipes and bandaids, and motioned for her to sit in the chair Kirishima vacated. 

“Hm? Oh yeah, but this happens more or less weekly,” she waved off. “More importantly, you—”

“Shut up and let me patch you up already, Yuu.”

He worked in silence for a while, the only sound being her occasional hiss of discomfort. Then he paused. 

“I didn’t mean it.”

“Didn’t mean what?”

He lowered the tweezers he was using to pick out a splinter of glass in her pointer finger. “When I called you a clumsy piece of shit, I didn’t mean it.”

“What’s this? The great Bakuhoe Thotsuki admits he sometimes says things he doesn’t mean?”

Katsuki shot her a look without moving his head a millimeter. “Only when I’m mad.”

“Or caught off-guard,” Yuu countered. 

Looking off to the side, he grumbled something under his breath. Yuu, sensing weakness, leaned forward a little. “What was that, Thotsuki dear? I’m afraid you’ll have to speak up a little bit.”

“Fuck—I SAID, then too.”

“I know, Katsuki. I was just messing with you.” She burst into laughter as Katsuki’s head shot up and Kirishima came around the corner. He finished wrapping the last bandaid around a cut on her hand and stood up. “You know you’d fall a lot less if you stopped wearing those shitty shoes, Tako.”

“But Thotsuki, the _aesthetic…!_ ”

“Fine then, fall and break your damn neck for all I care! Be less of a headache for me!”

“Respect your fucking elders, bitch!!” 

“Whatever, hag. I’m going to get cleaned up.”

Kirishima stopped him on his way. “Hey, you good? Like, actually good? I mean I know you’re kinda intense and all, but that kind of a reaction to a little slip is kinda…much, don’t you think?”

_Oh no._

“I’m fine. It just caught me off guard, that’s all,” Katsuki replied, trying to appear less cornered than he felt. He started walking towards the bathroom again, and this time Kirishima didn’t stop him. 

———————

An hour later, they left the Mexican place and headed back to campus. They both had food stains all over their clothes, and the awkward air from after the accident hadn’t completely left again. Katsuki knew that Shitty Hair didn’t forget about his overreaction, but thankfully he knew when to avoid a subject. The night was cool and clear, and they walked alone in mostly-companionable silence. 

When the two of them reached the fork between their respective dorms, they stopped. Shitty Hair let loose a breath, and turned to Katsuki. “Well this certainly didn’t turn out like I planned,” he said, trying for levity. 

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock,” Katsuki snorted. “Everything but that one bit was great.”

Kirishima laughed and for a moment, it felt like a summer afternoon instead of a night in spring. “Yeah, I kinda want a redo of our first date, honestly. Fuck, but exams are all next week…”

“I don’t have many. I could visit you at work and study there, though.”

“Bakugou, keeping me company at work isn’t a date. I appreciate it, though. Wanna meet up over break?”

“Whatever. We’ll work out the details later. Right now I need to get out of this damn outfit and into my fucking bed.”

“Same, bro.”

But they stood there a moment longer, looking at each other under the stars, as the lingering awkwardness morphed into something different, something more exciting…something that was going to make falling asleep problematic. 

Without breaking eye contact, Kirishima began backing down the path. “Goodnight,” he whispered. 

“Goodnight.”

And as Katsuki turned and began walking to his dorm, he could still feel Kirishima’s eyes on his back, tracking his every move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a few people I want to shout out here, for their help in some way in this chapter. My brother Andrew for helping me figure out how the hell you’re supposed to write a first date (as well as, like, half the ideas for the rest of the fic). Also thanks @blamedorange on tumblr for introducing me to the idea that Mt. Lady and Bakugou are cousins. They have an amazing dynamic and they were really fun to write! Last but far from least, thanks to Madam Muffins for letting me steal her names for Kiri’s big sisters. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Again, please leave comments and/or kudos on the way out!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BakuSquad™ Shenanigans!!! Ft. one shattered glass thing, a webcomic in the works, and a good old-fashioned Shovel Talk!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the squad makes an appearance this time!! God, this was so much fun to write. These five have a great chemistry together, I love their whole dynamic <333
> 
> Sorry I’m a little late, the holiday is Fun™. Enjoy the chapter!!

As Katsuki walked into the library, he paused and took a deep breath, savoring the scent of books and silence…just in time for that silence to be broken by and overly excited, “BAKUBRO!!” right in his ear and an accompanying body flinging itself onto him. 

“Pipe down, Pikachu! Fuck, we’re in a library!” Katsuki hissed, throwing his assailant to the ground. And this damn extra had the audacity to _laugh_. 

“Oof, we are, aren’t we?”

“And why did we move here, again?”

“Well…funny story…I may or may not have agreed to help some of my friends with a labor of love right now…and I’m not saying I DID, but it’s entirely possible that I forgot when I rescheduled with you yesterday. Whoops.”

Katsuki seriously considered turning around and walking out to get some food. He almost did it, too. Except…

“Kami, did your study buddy show up yet or—oh hey Bakugou, what are you doing here?”

There, not three meters away, stood Shitty Hair, resplendent in the worst outfit known to man. It was bright. It was multipatterned. It incorporated _Crocs._ Katsuki didn’t think it was possible for any outfit to be worse than the cat cafe uniform, and yet there it was. And somehow, _some-fucking-how_ , Shitty Hair managed to wear it like it was the pinnacle of high fashion. His smile, already bright enough to start damaging the books, impossibly became brighter upon seeing Katsuki. 

_Katsuki.exe has stopped responding._

__________

After his brain rebooted itself, he found himself sitting at a table in a back corner with four of the strangest individuals he’d ever seen. There was Pikachu sitting across the table, right next to a guy with a face as plain as soy sauce. Next to Soy Sauce there was a dyed-pink bitch, and in between Pinky and Katsuki was Shitty Hair. And their legs were touching. Oh no, Shitty Hair’s leg was touching Katsuki’s and it wasn’t terrible at all. How does one process this information?!

“Did you hear anything from Jirou or Tokoyami?” Pinky asked. 

“Yeah, Jirou was pulling an emergency shift at Present Mic’s, and Tokoyami…hold up, lemme pull up the convo. You guys aren’t gonna believe this,” Shitty Hair snickered, pulling out his phone. 

Pikachu stretched and groaned, sliding a sheaf of papers over to Katsuki. “Alright, looks good. Found a few grammatical errors, but there was maybe three in a ten-page paper so good on you, Bakubro!”

“Haaa?!” There was so much wrong with that sentence Katsuki didn’t even know where to start. 

The pink one laughed. “Bakubro? Ooh, I like that! I’m calling you Bakubro from now on!”

“Like hell you are, Pinky! And what do you mean, I had grammatical errors, fuckin’ Pikachu?!”

“Haha, I mean I was just checking to make sure you were alive, man! You took one look at Kiri and became the living definition of ‘floored’.”

“Here it is! Toko said he had to ‘ponder the question of life and the futility (or lack thereof) in existence’, and that’s why he couldn’t come today.”

Dead silence ensued as the five of them tried to figure out what the fuck that meant. 

“What a shame,” Soy Sauce sighed. “Looks like the mood music is gonna have to wait a week then, I guess.”

Mood music—wait, what? Katsuki took a mental step back and went over the relevant facts in his mind. 

—Pikachu was working on a “labor of love”

—Shitty Hair was working on a comic with friends

—Both of these people were in the same place, at the same time

—There was sketching paper and pencils all over the table

Conclusion:

“Wait, _these_ are your friends, Shitty Hair?!” Katsuki all but screeched. “ _These_ are the people you choose to spend time with??”

“Hey, I choose to spend time with you, too, Bakubro!” he defended. 

“Which is clearly a sign of rare good taste on your part.”

“Ok, wow, RUDE, you didn’t complain when Kiri called you Bakubro! Also you choose—WAIT! WAITWAITWAITWAIT _WAIT_!!!” Pikachu shouted, half leaping across the table and pointing furiously between Katsuki and Shitty Hair. “You—date last night—you—‘sOmEtHiNg CaMe Up’—OHMYGODYOUTWOWENTONADATELASTNIGHT-”

In unison, Katsuki and Shitty Hair slapped their hands over his mouth. When their hands touched, he could feel his heart skip and flutter not-uncomfortably in his chest. 

“Kami, buddy, you gotta quiet down. We’re still in a library,” Shitty Hair reminded him. 

“So it’s true?!” Pinky squealed softly. 

“Don’t see how it’s your business, but yeah we’re dating,” Katsuki grumbled, removing his hand from where it laid over Shitty Hair’s on Pikachu’s mouth and sitting back in his chair. The loss of contact was enough to make something in his chest area twinge slightly. Next to him, Shitty Hair did the same, shifting in his chair just enough to press their shoulders together as well as their legs. 

“Ok, hold up, time out,” Soy Sauce interrupted, making his hands into a T-shape. “How did you two meet? How long have you even _known_ each other?”

“Forget that, our boy Kiri found himself a man! You know what that means…” Pikachu said. 

“SHOVEL TALK!!!”

He and Pinky squealed that at such volume, such pitch, Katsuki swore he heard a glass object shatter a few tables away. He and Shitty Hair immediately moved to cover their mouths. 

“Guys, please, quiet down a little? They’re gonna kick us out again, and we only just got unbanned yesterday! I’ll answer all your questions, just…calm down, please?”

So the story was told, and once Pikachu in particular stopped freaking out— _“Why did neither one of you tell me about this beforehand?!”_ —the conversation continued. They settled into a rhythm—Katsuki editing Pikachu’s paper, Soy Sauce doing what looked like storyboarding, Shitty Hair writing the dialogue, and Pikachu…doing…something. 

“Here. You’re done,” Katsuki grunted, tossing Pikachu his paper. He debated whether or not he should continue writing. He had his materials, and he had frustrations from the last day to work out…but if what he’d seen so far was anything to go off of, the Three Stooges were going to be nosy bastards about anything and everything he did. 

“So, why the fuck are we here and not getting food like we agreed yesterday?” Katsuki asked, butting into whatever they were yapping about. “You don’t look like you’re doing much here.”

“Wow, _rude_ , and I’m the editor thank you very much!”

“Kami also helps some with the plot,” Soy Sauce chimed in. “Basically, he’s the storytelling expert helping us bring our fever dreams to life.”

“Done!” Pinky cheered, turning off her tablet with a flourish and tossing it in her (fuzzy, zebra-striped, black-and-fuschia) bag. 

Next to her, Shitty Hair looked up from where he was doodling what looked like a grenade onto a spare corner of paper. “Sweet, can we please get food now? Cuz I’ve only had a handful of dry cereal at six this morning, I’m starving!”

“Then why the fuck are you here, dumbass?! Get your sorry ass over to the Pit! Jesus, did your hair go crazy and grow into your brain or something?” Katsuki snapped, turning to look directly at the idiot. 

Uh-oh. Mistake. He was looking back, and his eyes were _stupid_ big and _stupid_ pretty, and oh shit he had a tiny adorable scar over his right eye, and Katsuki was _staring_ , he knew he was and blushing too but he couldn’t seem to look away…were they getting closer? It seemed like all of a sudden Kirishima’s face was much closer than before, and when did Katsuki start focusing on his lips? Was it his imagination, or was Kirishima focusing more on Katsuki’s lips, too…?

“AHEM. GUYS. We’re LEAVING.”

Just like that, the moment shattered and the two jerked away from each other like they had been burned. They turned to see Pikachu, Pinky, and Soy Sauce standing a few meters away, watching with expressions ranging from amused, to gleeful, to vaguely disgusted. 

Kirishima chuckled and turned to gather his things. “Thanks for worrying about me, Blasty. We just needed to finish the dialogue for this one scene, and if we tried to eat around the comic everything would get entirely too messy. Trust me, I know from experience,” he explained. He muttered unhappily to himself after checking the time and continued. “Actually, I think I’m just gonna grab McDonald’s or something. If I don’t go soon, I’ll be late for work.”

Five minutes later the goodbyes were said and he was gone. And the Three Stooges turned to Katsuki with matching evil glints in their eyes. 

“So then,” Pinky started. 

“Mr. Bakugou,” Soy Sauce continued. 

“Let’s have a conversation, shall we?” Pikachu finished. 

“What the fuck are you three doing?” Katsuki asked, annoyed. 

“You may have gotten distracted by a certain good-looking redhead—”

“—but WE did not!”

“This, my dear Bakubro, is your official Shovel Talk™!”

While they were talking, the trio were steadily moving to sit on all sides of the table, boxing him in. Pikachu took the seat Kirishima vacated, Soy Sauce reclaimed his seat across the table, and Pinky took the final chair across the table. 

“Kaminari has mentioned you enough that I think we’ve got a pretty good handle on your personality,” she began. 

“Oh really?” Katsuki was willing to bet his entire tuition they had no idea who they were dealing with, but it looked like they weren’t going to let him leave without giving their “shovel talk”. “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

“As I’m sure you’re more than aware, our boy Kiri is the physical manifestation of sunshine. That’s not to say he can’t take care of himself, because he _totally_ can. But he tends to see the good in people more than the bad, and that tends to leave him…” Pinky trailed off, searching for the right word. 

“Susceptible,” Pikachu suggested. 

“Thanks, Kami! Yeah, it leaves him susceptible to heartache.”

“And you, my good Blasty, seem like a very volatile individual,” Soy Sauce added. 

“So, what? You three trying to tell me I shouldn’t date Kirishima?” Despite the steadiness of his voice, Katsuki began to feel more than a little on edge. He obviously didn’t care what these three extras thought of him, but they were Kirishima’s friends. If they really disapproved, would Kirishima listen? Would he break up with Katsuki because of it? Wait, they weren’t even officially boyfriends yet. A breakup was not in the cards…but if these three got between them early enough, Katsuki and Kirishima might not ever make it past the “just dating” stage. “Also, don’t fucking call me Blasty!”

“Oh God no, Kiri’s an adult. He can make his own decisions. No, we’re just telling you that we’re expecting you to fuck up, harder and sooner than any of his other exes. We are _also_ telling you that if and when you break his heart, I personally will melt your toes into goo and feed it to you through a straw,” Pinky chirped. 

“If and when you break his heart, I will cut your dick off and tape it to the top of the Law building,” Soy Sauce pledged. 

“If and when you break his heart, I will electrocute all the hair off your entire body!” Pikachu concluded. 

With that, the Shovel Talkers™ rose in unison. 

“Bye Blasty!”

“Later man!”

“Seeya, Bakubro!”

“Don’t fucking call me that! My name is Bakugou!”

And they were gone. They left Katsuki, sitting alone at the table, with one thing sticking in his head. 

Not one of them doubted that Katsuki would eventually break Kirishima’s heart. It hadn’t been “ _if_ you break his heart,” it had been “if _and when_ ”. Katsuki didn’t care what they threatened to do to him. He didn’t care about Kirishima’s exes. He _didn’t_.

But he cared that Kirishima’s friends didn’t believe he could be a good, lasting partner for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…yeah. Also, I know that these next few months can be difficult for some. Just remember: Dadzawa believes you can make it through. Just focus on taking everything one breath at a time, and before you know it it’s May and everything is warm and sunny and ok again. Thanks for sticking with me so far! Happy holidays!
> 
> OH YEAH I ALMOST FORGOT!!! I made Kami a meme playlist for Spotify and YouTube, still don’t know how to embed links so I’ll just throw the stuff here and if anyone cares you can copy-paste it and listen to the atrocity I created :DD
> 
> Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/d24ssktdcz7mr8xoi4878a2ky/playlist/0upgNGQaQOroi3XveDFFMH?si=Gh09tzMcQfaM4sF344zU5w
> 
> YouTube: https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL4iOY9zfUoQQVm7cMX_MCIzX-pXQR9Trl
> 
> If you listen to this…I’m so sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring a date, an argument, and a realization. Not necessarily in that order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *strolls in late with Starbucks* yo
> 
> Have a chapter

Bakugou Katsuki was writing. That alone should’ve been enough to let Chimaera-boy know not to attempt interaction…yet he somehow did anyway. 

“Hey. How did you get with Kirishima?”

Without looking up, or even pausing the movement of his pencil, Katsuki ground out, “Fuck. Off,” from between his tightly-gritted teeth. Then his roommate’s question actually registered, and Katsuki froze. “How do you know him and how did you know we were dating.”

“I’m not answering either of your questions until you answer mine.”

They stared each other down for a good five seconds before Katsuki smirked and leaned back, crossing his arms. “Fine. I’ll just ask Shitty Hair myself when I see him in a few hours.”

Half-n-half seemed to deflate slightly at that, then relented. “I’ve been tutoring him in math this semester. I saw him today, and you were all he would talk about.” With that said, he looked at Katsuki expectantly. 

“Oh. Cool.” And he turned his attention back to the blank page before him, continuing his writing where he got cut off. Above him, Katsuki heard an awkward, half-strangled sound of disappointment. Smirking, he said, “What? I never said I would tell you how we got together. Not my fault you made an incorrect assumption. Bitch.”

“Bakugou, please. I don’t…I don’t know who else I can ask about this.”

Wow, he was actually serious. Katsuki hesitated, curiosity warring with the desire to have as little human interaction as possible. Curiosity won out, and Katsuki left his pencil in his journal as he flipped it shut. “If I tell you how, you’ll tell me why you want to know so bad.”

“Deal.”

No hesitation. Of course not, he was a fucking lawyer. Confidence in all things was one of the first things you needed. 

“We met when I had to find another place to write last week,” he began. “I ended up at this stupid fucking cat cafe, and he was working there. I got his number from some purple earbud bitch before I left and we started texting. After that, we just kinda…happened.”

Huh. Now that he said it aloud, it…didn’t sound like all that much. 

_Which begs the question, why do I feel like…_

Shaking off the thought, he growled, “Ok, why do you wanna know so bad?”

Katsuki could swear that if he looked outside, he would see pigs flying and the devil in long johns, because his roommate was fidgeting. Immediately he flipped open his journal and made a note in the first available space he could find. 

“What are you doing?”

With a manic grin, Katsuki looked up and said, “I’m making a note of the day Icythot finally cracked!” The look he got was supremely unimpressed. 

“Icythot?”

“You’re a stone cold bitch. Anyway. Why do you wanna know?”

His roommate looked as if he was debating whether he wanted to pursue the Icythot matter more, then sighed. “There is a certain…individual…I want to get to know better. This person is a lot like Kirishima, except they’re shorter. And since you’re even worse with people than I am, I figured what worked for you might work for me.”

“Whatever. Wait, what do you mean I’m worse with people?! That’s all you, dumbfuck. I never asked someone if they were illegitimate the first time I met them.”

“But how many friends do you have, and how many friends do I have?”

“Fuck you, I could have friends if I wanted them!”

“Then get them.”

“No, fuck you, friends are just a distraction!”

“And having a boyfriend isn’t?”

Katsuki blinked. “He’s not my boyfriend,” he muttered sulkily. And it was true, they weren’t—at least not yet. They hadn’t defined their weird thing, hadn’t talked anything out other than a mutual understanding that, “I’m not here to half-ass anything”. But what did that make them?

Chimaera-boy didn’t push any farther on that front, and reverted to his previous point. “Besides, are you trying to say you can’t do what I can? I’ve got friends, and I’m still getting better grades than you.”

_Bitch, it is ON._

“You think I can’t fucking have friends, date, and make better grades than you, Icythot?!” he seethed. 

“Of course I don’t think you can do it.”

Just as Katsuki was drawing breath to deliver the sickest burn in history, his phone buzzed. Since it was on Do Not Disturb, there was only one person it could be. 

Shitty Hair <3: heyyy blasty!! im done work, still good 4 gym later?

Me: Yeah. See you in an hour. 

Shitty Hair <3: cya then blasty!!!

“You really like him, don’t you?”

Locking his phone, Katsuki scowled and looked up. “Of fucking course I do, why else would I be dating him? What, did you think I would waste my time with someone not worth me?”

He regarded Katsuki for a moment, then nodded in confirmation. “You’re right, your ego is too big to accept anything less than the best.”

Katsuki preened for a second until he heard that asshole continue thoughtfully, “Makes me wonder why you’d choose him of all people…”

“What the fuck do you mean, “of all people”?! Kirishima Eijirou is a goddamn gift to the world, and just because you couldn’t fucking get with me despite _living with me_ for the last two years doesn’t mean you have the fucking right to piss on him! You’re not him, Icythot, and you never fucking will be.”

They both froze for a heartbeat. Half-n-Half looked like he had just been hit between the eyes—Katsuki wasn’t even sure if his roommate was breathing. Abruptly he shoved his chair back and threw his writing shit into his designated gym bag. Leaving now would make him disgustingly early, but it was better than staying in that damn dorm room. 

Whatever. A part of him whispered that it didn’t really matter, did it? The next time they were in the room together, it’d be like the conversation never happened. 

On his way out, Katsuki slammed the door. 

 

_______________

 

The gym he and Kirishima were going to meet at was tucked in a quiet, woodsy area. Tall, lush deciduous trees lent the building shade, and Katsuki found one of them to climb. It wasn’t as good as a mountain would be, not even close, but he needed the exertion and the height. He needed to work out some of the residual…anger? irritation? awkwardness? SOMETHING that still bubbled just under his skin. 

Once he reached a suitable height, he sat himself down on a branch and hung his bag on a nearby stump, retrieving his notebook and pencil. Gradually, as he wrote and listened to Spotify, the stewing thoughts retreated back into whatever distant corner of his mind they came from. 

“Hey! Blasty, down here!”

Katsuki glanced to his right to see Kirishima, waving like an idiot and smiling at him like a second goddamn sun through the leaves. Yanking out an earbud, he yelled back, “Bout fuckin time, Shitty Hair! Where’ve you been?”

Kirishima laughed good-naturedly and replied, “Um, I’m actually about ten minutes early, man.”

Wut. Just to make sure, Katsuki checked his phone, and…yup, ten minutes early. Whoops. 

Below him, Kirishima hadn’t stopped laughing and wow, did the sound do funny things to his gut. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were anxious to see me or something,” he called up in between chuckles. 

Katsuki rolled his eyes and tried to will the blush away as he stashed his writing and zipped up the bag. “Catch,” he called, and that was all the warning he gave Kirishima before dropping his bag from the branch. Kirishima’s eyes widened, then disappeared, and then Katsuki heard a yelp-thud. Snickering under his breath, he swung himself down from the tree to find the redhead, holding his bag like it was a large dog, staring at Katsuki with a look of abject betrayal on his face. 

“Give a guy some warning next time, Bakugou!”

“I said catch,” he snickered, reaching for his duffel. Kirishima’s eyes sparkled, then, and his mouth tilted up at the corners in a mischievous grin. He whirled out of the way, grinning outright now, a laugh bubbling out of his throat. “Hey, give me back my bag!” Katsuki yelled, flabbergasted. No fucking way did his shitty-haired idiot take his shit. 

“Nope!” he laughed. “You gave it to me, you gotta take it back! Be a man, Bakubro!”

Oh. So _that’s_ how he wanted to play. Katsuki grinned a feral grin and smoothly moved to intercept Kirishima. His laughter rang out, musical, as he chased him among the trees, in and out of sunlight and shadows. All the while, their eyes didn’t leave each other—and when Kirishima tripped on a root and almost fell, it startled a genuine laugh out of Katsuki. For a second Kirishima stared at him, eyes wide and mouth agape in what looked like…wonder. 

Katsuki seized his chance and tackled him around the middle, sending them both tumbling to the ground. As Kirishima lay winded and groaning underneath him, Katsuki scrambled to grab his duffel bag. “Got it,” he panted, legs planted firmly on either side of Kirishima’s waist. 

“Aw, not fair,” he complained, propping himself up on his elbows. 

“Not my fault you got distracted,” Katsuki scoffed. 

“How could I not get distracted? You’re beautiful.”

Everything Katsuki was snapped to attention at that. Carefully, he searched his face, his tone, looking for any hint that Kirishima didn’t mean it…but all he found was open, honest sincerity. 

_Oh shit, he really means it._

From his vantage point on top of him, Katsuki could see Kirishima’s scar in greater detail. He could see everything–the scar, the tiny freckles on his tanned skin, the flecks of amber and brown in his red eyes. Their noses were less than two centimeters away now, breaths mingling and syncing, and Katsuki felt simultaneously numb and more awake than he’d ever been before. 

_Dumbass, I’m not the beautiful one here._

“You think I’m beautiful?”

Oh fuck he didn’t say that aloud, did he? One look at Kirishima’s face told him he had, actually, and Katsuki ducked his head in an effort to mask his blush. 

Abruptly he stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Come on, we doing this or what?” he mumbled, looking at literally anything other than the sunshine boy sitting on the ground in front of him. “Or do you wanna steal something else from me?”

“Excuse you, you practically threw your bag at me. That’s equivalent to giving it to me.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “Whatever, just come on already.” Readjusting his bag on his shoulder, he reached down with his other hand and helped Kirishima to his feet. And if the touch lingered just a little bit longer than it should’ve, and their hands hung just a little too close to each other as they walked back to the tree where Kirishima had left his own bag, neither of them mentioned it. 

Katsuki certainly wasn’t going to mention that he wasn’t talking about anything material when he asked Kirishima if he would be stealing anything else. As far as he was concerned, nobody needed to know just how deep he was for a good while. 

 

_______________

 

“21…22…23…24…25.”

As soon as Katsuki finished his count, Kirishima replaced the bar and carefully sat up. His face was sweaty and flushed, and his ridiculous spiky hair was starting to wilt as he asked, “What’s next?”

Katsuki considered him for a moment. “Sparring. Think you can keep up?”

“Think you can handle me?” Kirishima shot back with a sly grin, and oh was Katsuki ever going to make him regret that. 

“Let’s fucking go,” was all he said, and Kirishima laughed as he stood up and they made their way over to the open mat. Katsuki resolutely kept his eyes fixed on his hands as he taped them up, and not on the lines of Kirishima’s body. This, unfortunately, did nothing to alleviate the painful awareness he had of the redhead’s every move. 

“Alright!” Knocking his knuckles together, Kirishima turned to Katsuki. “You ready to lose, Bakugou?”

He snorted and turned, cracking his neck in the process. “In your fucking dreams, Shitty Hair.”

They faced off on either side of the mat, ginger vs. blond, and for a few seconds all they did was circle each other. 

“Ground rules?” Kirishima asked, eyes still alert.

“Don’t aim for the face or crotch. Whoever gets pinned loses.”

“‘Kay.”

Katsuki got bored with the endless circling, so he charged in with a solid right hook. Kirishima narrowly dodged it, then had to quickly defend himself from the flurry of follow-up jabs Katsuki sent his way. As the match progressed, and each became more comfortable with the other’s fighting style and abilities, each exchange became more complex. Kirishima moved from strictly defense to mostly defense, managing to get in a few hits of his own from time to time. It became almost like a dance, Katsuki and Kirishima moving in time with each other, until Katsuki misstepped and the rythm was broken. 

Kirishima seized the opportunity and swept his leg out from under him with a well-placed kick, and Katsuki went down like a load of bricks. He was promptly pinned, and try as he might he couldn’t free himself. 

“Get off me!”

“Do you give?”

He glared, but made no other response. The man on top of him shrugged and said, “Alright, but I’m not letting you up until you say you give.”

Scowling, Katsuki tried to push himself up with his free hand, only to have it slammed onto the mat next to his head. 

“I can sit here all day,” Kirishima whispered, breath tickling his ear, and–oh. Oh, THAT might be a problem…but Katsuki gritted his teeth and didn’t make a sound. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Kirishima sitting on the upper part of Katsuki’s thighs, holding his right hand to the mat and his left hand behind his back. 

Neither of them moved. 

Neither of them said a word. 

Kirishima abruptly got up. “Well, this was a good workout,” he breezed. “Shower time!”

And he hauled ass in the direction of the locker rooms, leaving his water bottle and a confused Katsuki behind. Which was dangerous, considering a confused Katsuki was an angry Katsuki. 

He snatched up the water bottles and began storming off, only to pause as a new thought emerged (thanks in part to the embarrassing…problem in his lower half). If he had the beginnings of a stiffie, then maybe Kirishima…? Shaking off the thoughts and the accompanying flush, he resumed stalking towards the locker room, ready to take a cold shower and recenter himself. 

 

_______________

 

They left the gym, both of them over the brief awkwardness, Kirishima jabbering away about anything and everything that crossed his mind. Suddenly, he cut himself off mid-sentence and turned to Katsuki. 

“By the way, what are you doing in between semesters?”

He thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Not sure. The old hag generally wants us to do something together as a family or some shit though. Why do you wanna know?”

“Well, I– uh, this is a little out of nowhere, and you can totally say no if you want or if you can’t, not that I think you need my permission to decline or anything—”

“You’re babbling. Just ask me already, Jesus Christ,” Katsuki interrupted. 

“Ahahaha, so I am…hoooo, ok here goes. What I wanted to know is if you wanted to keep seeing each other over the break…? Cuz I mean, I definitely wanna keep doing things like this with you, and I kinda wondered…do you wanna keep this going with me?”

Oh crap. Kirishima’s voice was filled with doubt, and he refused to look at Katsuki. Fuck, what should he do…?!

“Dumbass. If you wanted to be my boyfriend you should’ve just asked.”

“Oh.” He looked down. “Does this mean…no?” The last word was quiet, choked, and oh goddamnit that was the exact opposite conclusion he wanted this beautiful, wonderful, self-doubting, glorious idiot walking beside him to be making!

He growled and stopped. “No, I don’t wanna stop doing this! What, you think nonstop texting and a few actual, legit fucking dates is the extent of “I’m not gonna half-ass this”? I’m just saying, if we’re gonna keep dating we may as well make ourselves official.”

Kirishima blinked. Then blinked again. And then Katsuki saw the beginnings of a shy smile form on his face. “Ok…so you’re my boyfriend?” Maybe it was the way he asked the question, shyly and full of hope, or maybe it was the way he was looking at him from under his eyelashes. Whatever the reason, Katsuki found himself redder than Kirishima’s– _his boyfriend’s_ –hair. 

“Fuck yeah, I’m your boyfriend,” he mumbled against the blush, and he reached over and took Kirishima’s hand. They kept walking, carefully not looking at each other, but also carefully maintaining their grip on each other. 

After maybe ten minutes, Kirishima broke the silence. “So where should we go on our first date as an official couple? Maybe a pool? Ooh, or what about Disney? Or maybe Universal? No, wait–” he stopped walking and turned to face him. “You’re a dumbass.”

“Fucking excuse me?!”

“Shit, wait, I’m a dumbass, you’re an introvert, right? You’d hate the stuff I’m suggesting, which is why I’m a dumbass. Maybe…” and he was walking again, thinking out loud with hands and voice, brainstorming date ideas for the two of them that Katsuki would be comfortable with. 

He should be angry, for several reasons. For the (accidental) insult. For daring to let go of his hand. For thinking he could come up with a better date idea than Katsuki could. For figuring Katsuki out faster and better than literally anyone else in his life. He should be angry, should be asking him who the hell he thinks he is, but the only thing Katsuki asked Kirishima was—

“How did you know?”

Kirishima stopped and turned around. “How did I–what, that you’re an introvert? I mean…it’s not that hard to figure out? Your gym is super out of the way, a few days ago at the library you didn’t say anything until you had to, and when I first met you at the cat cafe you gave off this overwhelming aura of “I don’t like people, please don’t talk to me”. Like…like one of the cats at the cafe!” He started laughing again, but there was no malice in it. “You’re a grumpy cat!!”

Katsuki flushed at started walking again, snapping, “Oh, fuck off, if I were any animal I would be a fucking wolf goddamnit!!”

Once Kiri’s laughter subsided (after a few more choice insults from Katsuki, of course), he continued his earlier thoughts. “So then, I’m not wrong? About you being an introvert?”

“No, you’re not…it’s just, people look at me and they see that I’m loud and angry as fuck all the time and I’m not fucking afraid to tell shitheads when they’re being shitheads, so they either hate me or they think I’m a motherfucking extrovert or both.”

“People? Like who?”

“Your whole Idiot Squad, for starters.”

“Hey, Kami counts as yours, too!”

“He does NOT.”

“Does too.”

“…Why are you like this.”

“I don’t know, why DO you like this?”

“BITCH–!!”

“You haven’t denied it! And besides—” he darted back and grabbed Katsuki’s hand, lightly pressing a kiss to the knuckles, “—you’re my boyfriend now.”

That effectively silenced any further protests from Katsuki, as he turned redder than a tomato for the fourth time that day and sputtered for words. They continued on, Kiri talking animatedly and laughing at Katsuki’s reactions, until they reached the fork in the path where they would go their separate ways. They paused for a long moment, hands still linked, not quite looking at each other but not quite looking away, either. 

“…Text me later?”

“Whenever I’m not in a fucking final.”

Katsuki made to turn and walk back to his dorm, but he didn’t get far before Kiri was gently tugging him back to plant a sweet kiss along his cheekbone. The contact was short, only a second long at most, and then Kiri released him and was jogging away. 

“Bye Blasty! Text you later!” he called over his shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Katsuki mumbled faintly, bringing a hand to his face. “Text you later.”

_Katsuki.exe has stopped responding._

He didn’t know how long he stood there, lost in the thundering of his heart and and lingering sensation of Kiri’s lips on his skin– but when he finally remembered how to move his legs, he still felt light. And he got the biggest shock of his life when he caught a glimpse of himself in a window. 

Katsuki was _smiling,_ a genuine, honest–dare he think it–sweet smile…and all because of a kiss on the cheek from a dumbass with shitty hair. 

Katsuki was so FUCKED.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHATFIC TIME :DD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, did I say chapter 4 would be the only chapter?

Unknown Number: heyyy blasty!!!  
Unknown Number: it’s kami  
Unknown Number: I stole ya boi’s phone and sent me ur contact  
~  
Kirishima ❤️: I’m so sorry!!! ToT  
~  
Pikabitch: btw I gave ur # to the rest of the squad too  
~  
Unknown Number: hiya bakubro!  
Unknown Number: it’s Mina

Me: Who are you again?

Unknown Number: wait…u srsly don’t kno my name?!  
Unknown Number: *sigh…*  
Unknown Number: I was the only girl there, too…TnT  
Pinky: alright listen up bitch  
Pinky: my name is Ashido Mina  
Pinky: my friends call me Mina

Me: I’m gonna fucking kill Pikachu.  
~  
Unknown Number: hey Bakubro!!!  
Unknown Number: I would introduce myself, but Mina says u don’t know our names  
Unknown Number: which, can I just say  
Unknown Number: RUDE  
Unknown Number: I’m Sero Hanta, u called me soy sauce

Me: Delete my fucking number. 

Soy Sauce: MAKE ME  
~  
_You have been added to a group chat_

Pikabitch: YAY BLASTYS HEREEE!!!!!!

Pinky: HI BAKUBRO!!!

Soy Sauce: yo

Kirishima ❤️: I’m so sorry I tried to stop them

Pikabitch: dude  
Pikabitch: u should rlly change ur passcode

Pinky: it’s not still 1016 is it

Kirishima ❤️: …no

Soy Sauce: omg it’s 1610

Kirishima ❤️: …

Me: You’re a fucking dumbass.  
Me: Isn’t that your birthday?

Kirishima ❤️: …maybe…

Pinky: YES

Pikabitch: YES

Soy Sauce: YES

Kirishima ❤️: plz don’t out me like this guys

Me: I already knew dumbass, what are you blaming them for?

Pinky: r we not gonna talk abt how blasty knOWS KIRIS BDAY?!?!

Pikabitch: YES LETS TALK

Me: Let’s not. 

Soy Sauce: awww y not Bakubro?  
Soy Sauce: don’t wanna admit u care?

Pikabitch: 👀👀👀

Pinky: 👀👀👀

Me. I’ll block you all. 

Kirishima ❤️: cmon guys isn’t it normal for u to know ur boyfriends bday?

Pikabitch: wAIT YOURE BOYFRIENDS NOW

Soy Sauce: ok then, when’s Bakugou’s bday

Kirishima ❤️: April 20th

Pinky: 420!!!

Soy Sauce: BLAZE IT!!!

Pikabitch: ARE WE GOING TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT THEYRE OFFICIAL NOW?!

Pinky: nah  
Pinky: I was expecting it tbh

Soy Sauce: same here  
Soy Sauce: dude have u SEEN the way Kiri looked at him? or how about the way they were totally about to make out on top of the library table?

Kirishima ❤️: we were not!

Pikabitch: 😒

Pinky: ^x10

Soy Sauce: ^x100

Kirishima ❤️: plz stop TnT

Me: I’m going to sleep. Shut the fuck up. 

Pikabitch: DUDE???  
Pikabitch: ITS 8:30???

Me: (凸ಠ益ಠ)凸  
Me: Did I fucking stutter?!

 

_______________

 

Pikabitch: [IMAGE ATTACHMENT]  
Pikabitch: I saw you were hanging out with kiri today bakubro 

Me: Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.  
Me: Also don’t fucking call me that!

Pikabitch: I WONT HESITATE, BITCH!!!

Me: ???

Pinky: I WONT HESITATE BITCH  
Pinky: gfdi kami u beat me to it!!! >:(

Soy Sauce: oh worm???  
Soy Sauce: Kami u got evidence of the lovebirds being lovey dovey?

Me: Ok, first and fore-fucking-most, who the FUCK says “lovey dovey” anymore?!  
Me: And second of all, what the everloving, ACTUAL FUCK were you doing at the museum Pikachu??

Pinky: YOU DRAGGED KIRI TO THE MUSEUM?!

Pikabitch: I was proving a point to my sister

Soy Sauce: to answer ur first question, bitch my whole family does so just jot that down

Me: I didn’t drag him anywhere bitch, it was his fucking idea!

Kirishima ❤️: wat r we talking about?

Pinky: KIRI DID BAKUGOU DRAG U TO THE MUSEUM?

Soy Sauce: where’s that gif of Dumbledore in goblet of fire?

Pikabitch: [IMAGE ATTACHMENT]  
Pikabitch: I gotchu bro

Soy Sauce: ayyyyeeee

Pikabitch: ayyyyeeee

Kirishima ❤️: lmao Mina it u

Pinky: hehehe it is tho  
Pinky: but I WILL NOT BE DISTRACTED!!!  
Pinky: ANSWER THE QUESTION KIRI

Kirishima ❤️: nah I wanted to check out the brain stuff nd dragged Bakugou w/ me

Me: I told you so. 

Soy Sauce: so how’d it go?

Kirishima ❤️: Bakugou got me this badass brain mug!!!  
Kirishima ❤️: hold up  
Kirishima ❤️: [IMAGE ATTACHMENT]

Pinky: omg  
Pinky: it’s PINK  
Pinky: I LOVE IT

Pikabitch: ofc u would

Soy Sauce: ofc u would

Kirishima ❤️: ofc u would

Me: Are we finished? Can I go?  
Me: Actually never mind I’m leaving.

Pinky: awww blasty :c

Soy Sauce: stay plz!

Me: And I would do that why again?

Kirishima ❤️: cuz I would like u to talk to us some more!

Me: …  
Me: Whatever. Fine. 

Pikabitch: BOYFRIEND POWERS

Pinky: YAAAAYY!!!!!!

Me: I regret this already. 

 

_______________

 

Me: Distract me. 

Soy Sauce: from what?

Pikabitch: im marking the date and time of this most auspicious occasion 

Me: What the fuck Pikachu?

Pinky: u texted us first!!!

Kirishima ❤️❤️: aw blasty u do care about us ❤️  
Kirishima ❤️❤️: but what do u need distracting from?

Me: Fucking family. 

Kirishima ❤️❤️: OH IS YUU THERE???

Pinky: u have a family?

Pikabitch: oooh wHOS YUU?? *eyes emoji*

Me: Fuck off, of course I have a family! Yuu is my cousin and yeah, she’s here with her parents. 

Kirishima ❤️❤️: tell her I say hi!!!

Soy Sauce: how’d u meet her Kiri?

Kirishima ❤️❤️: she was our server at the restaurant Bakugou took us to for our first date

Me: She says hi back.  
Me: Fuck I’ll be right back. 

Pikabitch: oh ard just bother us and leave  
Pikabitch: I c u bakubitch 

Kirishima ❤️❤️: he probably got called away to do stuff

Me: oh worm???  
Me: my asshole cousin has friends???

Pinky: O SHIT

Kirishima ❤️❤️: is that Yuu??

Me: ye it is!!!

Pikabitch: HI!!!

Soy Sauce: how tf did u get in his phone?

Me: ik his passcode  
Me: he really shouldn’t keep it as his bday smh

Pinky: OMG

Pikabitch: HE DOESNT

Me: he DOES

Kirishima ❤️❤️: HHAHAHAHAHAA

Soy Sauce: I was not expecting that

Pikabitch: NOBODY WAS  
Pikabitch: HOLY SHIT

Pinky: I cnt fucjg,,,bREAT H E

Me: so…wats with ur contact names??  
Me: r they inside jokes, or…?

Pinky: omg spill

Pikabitch: wat r they?

Me: it’s gonna get confusing cuz I only know kiri  
Me: who btw is the only one labeled under his name

Soy Sauce: alright, that’s abt what I was expecting

Me: and it’s got two hearts next to it~~~

Pinky: IM SCREENSHOTTING ALL OF THIS

Me: ur pinky

Soy Sauce: ofc ur pinky

Pinky: gfdi

Me: ur soy sauce 

Soy Sauce: who, me?

Me: ye

Soy Sauce: damn ok

Pikabitch: ooh ooh lemme guess  
Pikabitch: I’m pikachu right

Me: oof so close  
Me: pikabitch

Pikabitch: PRICK

Kirishima ❤️❤️: lmao shoulda seen that coming

Pinky: yeah kinda lololol 

Me: want me to change em?

Pinky: YES

Soy Sauce: PLEASE DO

Me: ard whaddaya want

Pinky: make me Alien Queen plz!!!

Pikabitch: Danki 

Soy Sauce: idk just make me Sero

Kirishima ❤️❤️: I’m good, thanks Yuu :D

Me: done

Alien Queen: yay!!! thnx

Danki: omfg I love u nd I’ll do anything for u

Sero: oh?

Danki: shit wAIT 

Me: THEN PERISH ÒwÓ

Love of my Life: kami bro u should’ve seen that coming

Danki: I should’ve  
Danki: I’m a fool  
Danki: unworthy of my title as Denki, High King of Memes, Grand Duke of Dankness 

Sero: nobody??? calls u that tho?????

Alien Queen: nobody’s got the time

Danki: dammit Mina I thought u were on my side

Alien Queen: u thought wrong 

Me: OH FUZK

Sero: what?

Me: HEA CSVK  
Me: THOTSUKIBNO

Danki: OMG HES BACK

Alien Queen: RUN YUU

Me: IF I DT MSKE IT ILY

Sero: YUU NO

Me: What the fuck did she do?!

Love of my Life: hi blasty!

Me: …I need to go hide a body, be right back. 

Danki: LEAVE YUU ALONE

Alien Queen: rip Yuu

Sero: f

Alien Queen: f

Danki: f

Love of my Life: f

 

_______________

 

Danki: hey what would happen if I hypothetically got struck by lightning while wearing a tinfoil hat?  
Danki: asking for a friend

Alien Queen: goddamnit kami not again

Sero: Kami no

Danki: ;)

Me: What the fuck do you mean, not again?!  
Me: I knew he was an idiot, but I didn’t think it was that bad

Alien Queen: omg who wants to tell him?

Love of my Life: let me do it!  
Love of my Life: I was there

Sero: aight go ahead Kiri, the stage is urs

Love of my Life: ok so lemme set the scene. middle school. me nd kami r bros right?  
Love of my Life: nd we’re dicking around at the skate park

Danki: as we do

Love of my Life: nd like the sky is starting to go that weird color it goes right before a thunderstorm nd u can like, taste the storm coming  
Love of my Life: kami being the utter dumbass he is decides to try to climb to the top of the VERY MUCH METAL streetlight

Danki: as I do

Alien Queen: as he do

Sero: wait I never knew he tried to climb it tf

Love of my Life: boi barely touches the thing before we hear a crack nd lightning strikes the pole  
Love of my Life: kami goes flying, I freak out nd call an ambulance  
Love of my Life: AND THEN  
Love of my Life: THIS DUMBASS HAS THE FUCKING /NERVE/  
Love of my Life: TO SIT UP AND SAY, COMPLETELY DEADPAN

Danki: dude the weather’s getting kinda bad maybe we should call it

Love of my Life: DUDE, THE WEATHER’S GETTING KINDA BAD, MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL IT

Me: What the entire fuck

Love of my Life: TY  
Love of my Life: THATS WHAT I SAID

Danki: bakubro ya boi freaked out

Sero: well shit, can u blame him?

Alien Queen: dw tho kamis obvs fine 

Me: Damn, that explains a lot.  
Me: I always suspected you had been dropped on your head as a baby, didn’t think you actually fucking fried your brain though. 

Sero: once he dyed the black lightning in his hair, we started calling him Pichu

Alien Queen: cuz pichu doesn’t have any control over its electricity and shocks itself a lot lmaooo

Me: Wait you’re telling me he’s a natural blond?!

Danki: wow  
Danki: rude  
Danki: yea I’m nat blond

Love of my Life: kami ur blowing his mind rn  
Love of my Life: u should see his face lmao

Alien Queen: wait how do u know that?!

Love of my Life: ? he’s literally sitting next to me?  
Love of my Life: [IMAGE ATTACHMENT]

Sero: wAIT SO UR TEXTING HIM IN THE SAME ROOM?!

Pichu: peak gen z culture tbh

Alien: ^ accurate 

Me: Now that that’s over with, fuck off. 

Pichu: wow ok bakubro, get that kiridick ;P

Alien: rip kami

Me: DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE?!

Sero: f

Love of my Life: f

Alien: f

Pichu: I’ll remember u all in hell

 

_______________

 

Me: i m gay gay gay i like long thick cocks im a super super gay i like long thick cocks

Pichu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OMF

Alien: umm bakubro u good?

Me: oh worm u call him bakubro 2?  
Me: btw my name is Camie

Love of my Life: hi camie  
Love of my Life: where’s Bakugou?

Me: [IMAGE ATTACHMENT]  
Me: shhh he’s sleeping

Alien: OMFG HES SO CUTE WHEN HE SHUTS UP

Me: isn’t he tho???  
Me: also quick q who is “Love of my Life”?

Love of my Life: ummm me?

Me: YEAHHH  
Me: OMG R U BAKUBROS BF?!

Love of my Life: ye

Me: omg hi when I ask abt u he gets rlly flustered nd shit  
Me: u make him rlly happy  
Me: Break his heart, and I break your face, k? :)))))  
Me: o shit he’s waking up gotta go byee~  
Me: here’s my # feel free to add me to this!!!  
Me: [CONTACT ATTACHMENT]

Sero: wow

Pichu: bakubro is gonna kill her

Alien: I like her

 

_______________

 

Sero: so, r we gonna talk abt Minas new friend?  
Sero: [IMAGE ATTACHMENT]

Pichu: 👀👀👀 oH WORM?!

Alien: so u remember how I said I liked her  
Alien: well she likes me too nd we’re dating now

Me: How the FUCK do you know Camie?!

Pichu: So u remember last week when u fell asleep w/ her around?

Me: She fucking didn’t. 

Love of my Life: she did 

Pichu: she did 

Sero: she did

Alien: she did

Me: She’s dead. 

Love of my Life: bakuNO

Me: Why the fuck not?!

Alien: cuz that’s my future wife ur threatening!!!

Me: And? She’s essentially my fucking family bitch, I get first and last say!  
Me: Besides, that fucking ho knows what she’s in for, that’s why she deleted all the texts from my phone. 

Sero: Blasty plz

Alien: but im love her :(

Me: You barely fucking KNOW her.  
Me: If she calls me crying over something you did, I personally will blast you into so many pieces that the largest part left will be your pinky toe. Got it?

Pichu: awww lookit our Angery Boi™ caring abt someone else

Alien: ikr  
Alien: like ik I just got the shovel talk but…that was oddly sweet

Me: Shut the fuck up. I said she was family, didn’t I?

Love of my Life: Dude, I have personally met people who wouldn’t do that for blood relatives. She’s not even related to you and you care enough to shovel talk Mina? That’s really manly, Bakugou!!!

Me: …  
Me: It’s really not that big a deal. 

Sero: yes it is

Pichu: yes it is

Alien: yes it is

Love of my Life: yes it is

Me: …whatever. 

 

_______________

 

_Pichu has added ###-###-#### to the chat_

_Pichu has added ###-###-#### to the chat_

Pichu: jirou and toko r here!!!

Unknown Number: kami wtf  
Unknown Number: y am I in another one of these?

Unknown Number: I was under the assumption we already had a communal chat?

❤️ Ejirou ❤️: we do, but Bakugou isn’t in that one

Unknown Number: then y not just add him to that one?  
Unknown Number: also who tf is bakugou?!

Me: I’m Bakugou, who the fuck are you?

Unknown Number: I’m Jirou  
Unknown Number: wait ru the angry blond I gave kiri’s number to a few weeks ago?!

Me: You’re the earphone bitch?!

Pichu: [IMAGE ATTACHMENT]

Alien: nice timing with the spidey meme

Earphone Bitch: my question still stands. y not just add him to the other group chat to begin with?

Unknown Number: I would very much like to hear the answer to that as well.  
Unknown Number: Hello, Bakugou. My name is Tokoyami. 

Pichu: CUZ I DIDNT THINK ABOUT THAT OKAY?!

Earphone Bitch: ah makes sense. for kami at least. 

Pichu: jirou y u gotta be so rood?

❤️ Eijirou ❤️: bc Bakugou’s never met u two so I wanted him to have some context

Alien: noah fence but u 2 r weird lmao

Soy Sauce: Mina. ily, but can u PLEASE reread that last message u sent, and then tell me what’s ironic abt it

Alien: ok ok ok lISTEN, I kno what I wrote but listen lisTEN,,,  
Alien: …  
Alien: alright lmao I got nothing  
Alien: I’m weird too, can we move on?

Pichu: we’re all weird, how bow dah?

Me: Never make me read that again. 

Pichu: and he already knows us!! so it’s fine

Me: And damn I wish I didn’t. You three are annoying. 

Soy Sauce: spoken like a true older brother

Pichu: shut up u love us lmao

Me: No I don’t. 

Alien: not even…KIRI?!

Earphone Bitch: 👀👀👀

Pichu: 👀👀👀

Alien: 👀👀👀

Store Brand Hamlet: 👀👀👀

Soy Sauce: 👀👀👀

❤️ Eijirou ❤️: …  
❤️ Eijirou ❤️: …👀👀👀

Me: Alright, I like Shitty Hair the best out of all of you.  
Me: Now fuck off, I’m trying to sleep. 

Alien: awww, did wittwe bwasty boi miss him nappie time?

Me: I will end you. Slowly. :)))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> April fools, my dudes :3c
> 
> Ok but seriously, I’m probably gonna shoot for biweekly updates from this point on.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ft. an Ethics class, a surprise visit, and low-key transphobia– it gets shut down real quick tho and I wanna tell everyone that they’re valid no matter what pronouns you choose to use!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I’m gonna shoot for biweekly updates!
> 
> Also me: *updates a week later*
> 
> I’ve got the next few chapters written, it’s fine, I’m fine,

Alien: guess who’s back

Pichu: back again

❤️Eijirou❤️: yeah we’re back 

Earphone Bitch: tell ur friends

Soy Sauce: guess who’s back

❤️Eijirou❤️: guess who’s back

Alien: guess who’s back

Pichu: guess who’s back

Earphone Bitch: guess who’s back

Me: I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING GOD IF YOU SHITHEADS DON’T STOP SPAMMING THE CHAT WITH EMINEM, HEADS WILL ROLL.   
Me: SHUT.   
Me: UP. 

Alien: awww but bakubro   
Alien: we always sing this to each other when we get back to school  
Alien: :(

❤️Eijirou❤️: yeah, it’s a tradition!

Pichu: me n kiri have been doing it for years!!!

Me:…  
Me: It’s too fucking early for this. 

Soy Sauce: what, r u not happy to b back here, bro?

Me: NO.   
Me: I AM NOT. 

Pichu: LMAOOO WOOOOW

Earphone Bitch: that was fast XD

❤️Eijirou❤️: he started grumping when I had to go back early to start working at the cat cafe again lol

Alien: awww

Soy Sauce: ur literally salty cuz bein back at school means u cant hog all of Kiri’s time anymore?

Me:…  
Me: Yeah.   
Me: Yeah I am.   
Me: What are you gonna do about it?

Pichu: omg he admitted it

Alien: IM SCREENSHOTTING ND SENDING IT TO CAMIE

Me: BITCH DON’T YOU DARE

Earphone Bitch: contemporary romance. i love it. 

Soy Sauce: I, for one, m going to rest easy knowing Kiri’s bf is crazier abt him than we r

Pichu: this is hella sweet n all but kiri n I gotta go find our class

❤️Eijirou❤️: oh fuck that’s right  
❤️Eijirou❤️: we’ve never really been over there have we?

Pichu: U have not  
Pichu: I have  
Pichu: double major, remember?

❤️Eijirou❤️: u rite  
❤️Eijirou❤️: ttyl guys!

Alien: have fun at class!!

Me: I’ve got a class soon too  
Me: Don’t text me in the middle of it. 

Soy Sauce: lmao don’t kill anyone

_No promises,_ Katsuki thought as he muted and locked his phone, and stood. Fuckin Icythot wasn’t around (something about an errand he had to run for a friend), so he had the room all to himself for the moment. 

He slid his phone into his pocket, slipping on his shoes as he did. The room was quiet as he darted around, shoving notebooks, pens, wallet, keys, and his laptop into his bag. There wasn’t much time before his Ethics class was set to start, and Bakugou Katsuki had _never_ been late in his life. His perfect attendance record stretched back to _kindergarten._ He wasn’t about to fuck it up, all because of a bunch of idiots he called his friends. 

No way was he going to lose to Icythot. 

Certain that he had everything he needed, Katsuki strolled out and locked up his dorm. Then it was up the stairs, around the corner, and out the doors towards the Liberal Arts building. Most of his course classes had been in the same building, so it wasn’t exactly like he was in much danger of getting lost. Even so, it was better to be early and have time to figure out the most efficient route than to be rushing and fuck up. That aside, Katsuki liked to be early to class. Less idiots he’d be forced to sit next to if it filled up. 

_13-C…13-C…_

It was a fairly small room, which was either very good or very bad. Either only a few people would be taking the class with him, meaning less idiotic shits using all the professor’s office hours…or it would be packed to bursting and no matter where he sat, Katsuki would have a neighbor. 

Whatever. No matter which, Katsuki didn’t see the point in stressing over it. He selected a window seat fairly close to the front and started setting up. 

“Setting up” meant a blank notebook and fresh pen for class notes, and his laptop so he could switch between the two if he really wanted to. Also in case he wanted to write a little bit, cuz fuck all those slow shits on the way here. He kept one earbud out, so he could hear the professor come in and start class. But the earbud he left dangling was the left one–the one closer to the window. Gotta fool the extras into thinking he couldn’t hear them, keep them from getting any ideas about initiating interaction. 

The room slowly filled, thankfully quietly: not many friend groups took Ethics for fun, and besides, it was too fucking early for any high-energy bullshit. 

“I TOLD you it was down this hall!”

Oh no. 

“Yeah yeah yeah, I know I should trust you when you say you know where you’re going, but that cat was so cute!”

Oh fuck. 

“Anyway, here we–BLASTY!!!”

Fucking Pichu. 

“Hey babe, you have this class too?”

And Eijirou, too. 

“I fucking meant it when I said it was too goddamn early for this bullshit,” Katsuki groused, saving what he had written and closing the program. “Why the fuck are you two so sunshiny?!”

“Bakubro, are you saying we light up your world?”

He eyed Pikabitch flatly. “No. One of you would be enough to do that. Two of you just makes me want to go back home.”

Next to him, Eijirou grinned and kissed Katsuki on the forehead. “So, you’d be perfectly happy if, say, Kami left?”

“HEY!”

“Yes. I’d be very happy if he left.”

“Why am I the one leaving? Bakubro, are you playing favorites?”

“Yes,” Katsuki and Eijirou responded simultaneously. “Besides,” Eiji continued, “you’re on the end.”

“This family doesn’t love me anymore,” Pichu sniffled melodramatically. “I’m outta here.”

He made to collect his things when the prof walked in. He…she? They? It was hard to tell. They were short and stout, built like a barrel, with a pleasant face and short black hair like a helmet. 

“Good morning everybody!” Oh god, even the voice gave no clues. “I’m your Ethics professor, you can call me Thirteen!” Thirteen continued through the syllabus–apparently the class was jumping from Aristotle to Nietzsche in the space of a week, and Katsuki pitied the fool who couldn’t handle the conceptual whiplash–for the majority of the first class. It wasn’t the worst first class he had ever experienced: no, definitely not the worst first class by far. 

But he still didn’t know Thirteen’s pronouns. So when they asked, “Does anyone have any questions about anything?” Katsuki spoke up. 

“What are your pronouns?”

Fuck, he probably should’ve added a “preferred” in there, but whatever. Still better than asking, “What the fuck _are_ you?” like he might’ve if it was anyone but a teacher. 

Thirteen blinked, surprised, and replied, “I don’t particularly mind how you refer to me, as long as it’s done respectfully, but I prefer they/them pronouns.”

Katsuki nodded, satisfied, but some short purple fucker in the back of the room had to be a prick. “Alright but what’s in your pants?”

Dead silence. 

“My legs? What else would be in my pants?”

“No, no,” this little grapefuck continued. “I mean, do you have a dick or a pussy?”

Katsuki couldn’t keep quiet anymore. “That’s none of your fucking business, you purple pervert,” he snarled, slamming his hands on the table and half-rising. “They fucking told you what you can call them and if you can’t respect that then I’ll yeet you out this goddamn window! Got it?”

The little shithead squeaked and ducked down. Nobody else said a word. 

“Well,” Thirteen began, clearing their throat. “This was an informative first class, to be sure. Don’t forget to order the books if you haven’t already, start reading and annotating, and I’ll see you all next week! Mr. Bakugou, would you stay a moment, please?”

Katsuki growled, while a few others snickered behind their hands. Everyone was careful to hide their smiles when Katsuki was looking, however. 

“We’ll wait for you outside, Bakugou!”

“Yeah, I wanna discuss your phrasing—”

“Kami. Bro. Shut up.”

And with that, the classroom was empty of everyone but him and Thirteen. 

“Mr. Bakugou. While I appreciate the very vocal support, I have to ask: what made you think I couldn’t shut Mr. Mineta down myself?”

“Nothing.”

“So then, why did you say anything?”

Katsuki chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment, considering the best way to answer. Finally he settled on, “I’ve got a friend who’s gender fluid. I’ve seen them get a lot of shit for it, so they’ve given up on being them. So it really pisses me off when I see you be you, and some little fuckwaffle tries to serve some third-rate bullshit because of it. And when my friend told me, I promised myself that I’d never let transphobia go unchallenged. Not in front of me.”

As Katsuki finished, he made a mental note to send a heads-up text to them, just on the off chance that Thirteen would meet them and figure it out. Unlikely, given that they were in two different cities across the country, and given how intentionally vague Katsuki had been…but he still did it anyway. 

Thirteen nodded slowly, face impassive. “So, because a friend of yours is gender fluid, you’ve made it a personal mission of yours to harass and threaten every transphobe you meet?”

He blinked. “It’s not my personal fucking mission or whatever, ‘s just how I do it.”

“Mm. Well, Mr. Bakugou, regardless of how noble or upstanding your motives, if I witness you threaten another student I will have no choice but to call campus security. Is that clear?”

“Yessir.”

“Good. That’s all. And, Mr. Bakugou?”

Inquisitively, he turned his head. 

“You’re a Law student, correct? The enby community needs good lawyers like you. The trans community in general, really, but…Don’t waste your future on one ignorant child when so many people will need you.”

Katsuki nodded once, sharply. “I won’t.” Then he slung his bag over his shoulder and went to meet Eijirou and Pichu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmm…who could this gender fluid individual in Bakubitch’s life be…? 
> 
> I’ll write a fluffy drabble for the first person to guess correctly in the comments!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring an explanation and an invitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAA IM ACTUALY DOING GOOD WITH THIS UPDATE SCHEDULE?! N A N I THIS NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS!!!
> 
> Anyway, this is gonna be good 😎 enjoy the chapter!!

Katsuki flew down the dingy hallways of the building, mind at work. Thirteen was right, as much as he hated to admit it: he couldn’t be the best fucking lawyer ever if he had an assault charge on his record. Fuck, if he actually _had_ hit the little shit, he would’ve been convicted. Spouting off like that had been indescribably stupid. 

Bakugou Katsuki was not stupid. 

Briefly, he saw his parents’ faces, his Auntie’s face, his friends’ faces flash before his eyes. They needed him, and there were others like him who needed him. 

He whipped out his phone and sent that heads-up text, sliding his phone back into his pocket just as he blasted the outside doors open. 

“Hey, Blasty, watch it!”

Cursing, jolted from his thoughts, Katsuki turned to see Eijirou and Pichu standing by the doors. Judging by their positions, they had just narrowly missed getting hit when the doors swung open. Ah, they were walking towards him, now. 

“Don’t you morons have a class or something to get to?”

“Lmao, like we’d go to class when you’ve got all the class we need, Bakubro!”

Katsuki and Eijirou both stared at him flatly for a moment. 

“Did you just fucking say ‘lmao’ aloud, with your mouth?!”

“Did you just use a pickup line on my boyfriend?!”

Katsuki shot him a Look™. “That doesn’t count as a pickup line, he called me Bakubro. Speaking of,” he continued, rounding on Pichu, “stop calling me Bakubro, shithead!!”

His shit-eating grin never wavered as he shot back, “Make me!” 

The three of them fell into a comfortable rhythm as they walked, with Katsuki and Pichu sniping at each other and Eijirou jumping in whenever he felt like it. Even though Katsuki never wanted an annoying-ass friend– fuck, they really _were_ friends now, weren’t they?– Eijirou’s smile and his laughter were worth the inconvenience. 

Eventually, Pichu turned to Katsuki. “So Bakubro. Why were you so pissed at the purple pervert?”

“Cuz it pisses me off when shitheads can’t fucking respect other people. What, he thought he knows them better than they do? Fuckin’ transphobes.” He has more to say, more thoughts on the matter, but Pichu cut in. 

“Bakugou, have you heard the terms ‘demiboy’ or ‘demiguy’ before?”

Kasuki blinked, taken by surprise. “Nah, don’t think so. Why? The fuck does that mean?”

“A demiboy is someone who feels kinda like a guy, but kinda not at the same time. Or like, dude-slightly-to-the-left.”

“Ok, and…?” Katsuki had a sneaking suspicion he knew where this was going. 

“ _And,_ ya boi is a demiboy, Bakubro!” Pichu exclaimed, throwing his arms wide and wearing a broad, bright grin. _Too_ broad and bright. He was low-key terrified, Katsuki realized. He saw it in the tension of his shoulders, the slight tenseness in his smile, in the way Eijirou stiffened almost unnoticeably beside him. 

“Tch. Fuckin and? You’re still an off-brand Pichu, dumbass. That hasn’t fucking changed, right?” He paused, considering. “You still prefer he/him though, right?”

“Yup,” Eijirou chimes in, relaxed now and smiling brightly. “Kami’s 🅱️ronouns are still he/him/his.”

Katsuki astral-projected through at least seven different dimensions, desperately trying to find one where he never had to hear that very cursed word. Unfortunately for him, there is no such dimension and his soul snapped back to this reality after a few seconds of staring blankly at his dumbass. 

Quietly, but with much feeling, he asked, “What the fuck just came out of your mouth, shitty-hair?”

“Aww cmon Bakubro, he was just telling you my 🅱️referred 🅱️ronouns!”

Without a word, Katsuki turned and continued along the path, away from those cursed words and the matching shit-eating grins the pair of them were sporting. 

“What’s the matter, Bakubro?”

“Was it something I said? 🅱️lease tell me, Bakubabe!”

“I can’t be seen associating with either of you. You—” he rounded on Pichu, who was now apparently struggling to hold back a laugh, “—how fucking dare you. You’re an English major, aren’t you? How dare you butcher the language like this?”

“Ah, my dear Bakubro, that’s where you’re mistaken! I’m not ‘butchering’ anything! In fact, I’m 🅱️articibating in the _evolution_ of the language. I’m leaving my mark on history! Aren’t you 🅱️roud of me?”

Katsuki stared at him and said, completely deadpan, “I’ll be 🅱️roud of you when you 🅱️erish.”

They stared at him in shock for a moment, then broke into loud laughter and started chanting, “One of us, one of us, one of us!”

Rolling his eyes, Katsuki turned and started walking again, tossing a, “Seriously, don’t you idiots have another class or something soon?” over his shoulder to mask the tiny smile that grew whenever he heard Eijirou’s laugh. 

“Nah, actually we were going to the cat cafe after this. You coming with us, Bakugou?”

He frowned. “Thought you needed a reservation or some shit?”

“We have a standing reservation every week. Kiri gets an employee discount and all of us chip in for the rest.”

“Hm.” Still frowning, Katsuki reached for his phone. _Yeah, I’ve got some time before my next class._

“And I should come with you why again? I’ll be more productive if I go to the library alone, dipshit.”

Before Pichu could say a word, Eijirou smiled angelically and replied, “Cuz I wanna see you there, Bakugou!”

And how could Katsuki say no to that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very not sorry about literally any of this lmao.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring a return to the cat cafe, an introduction, and a discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So…I realize many of you think this fic is absolutely self-indulgent. And you’re totally right, this entire thing is born from my wildest fever dreams. But this chapter? This one right here?
> 
>  
> 
> This is the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written. 
> 
> Enjoy~~

The bell above the door tingled cheerily as the trio pushed their way in. It was just as garish and tacky as Katsuki remembered: pink and purple everywhere, and anywhere that wasn’t occupied by a human had a cat or five on it. 

“Can I help you?”

His attention was jerked from the tasteless surroundings to the dude standing at the host stand, who had equally tasteless hair. It was a vivid purple and stood straight up from his head, almost like a candle flame. Candlehead was in the cafe’s uniform and was still staring at them, clearly expecting an answer. 

“Hey man! You’re the new guy? My name’s Kirishima, I work here too! Oh, we’ve got a reservation, here’s my employee ID, what’s your name bro?”

Candlehead looked…fucking exhausted, if the carry-on sized bags under his eyes were any indicator. The dude started typing away, doing whatever it was he had to to get them checked in or whatever. All the while Eijirou was jabbering away about anything and everything, from how long he’d been working there to how tired he looked and that “it’s not healthy to not sleep my man, unless of course you know that already in which case you should probably see a doctor about it but then again you look about our age and _nobody_ our age has the money for a doctor, much less prescription sleeping pills—”

“Follow me,” the guy interrupted, handing back his ID and starting to walk away. 

“Thanks bro!” Eijirou chirped, pocketing the card and linking his hand with Katsuki’s.

Pichu piped up as Candlehead led them deeper into the cafe. “I haven’t seen you around town before! Did you just move here…?”

“…Shinsou. I’m…new in town.”

“Cool, cool. Hey, Shinsou, you ever want a bro to show you around or anything, just let me know! My name’s—”

“Pichu,” Katsuki broke in, grinning wickedly. 

“—Kaminari Denki,” he finished, shooting Katsuki a glare and sticking his tongue out. 

“Here you are. I’ll be back in a bit to take your orders.”

“Thanks Shinsou!” Eijirou and Pichu chorused, followed by Katsuki’s muttered, “Thanks.” 

They sat, and Candlehead had barely walked out of earshot before Pichu whipped around to face Eijirou. “Help he’s hot.”

Katsuki stared at him. “Bitch where?”

“Under the eyebags, Bakubro! Under. The. Eyebags.”

He turned in his seat to take a look at him again, just to make sure they were talking about the same person. “Bitch, _where?!_ ”

Apparently considering Katsuki a lost cause, Pichu turned to Eijirou. “Kiri, bro, you gotta help me. I NEED to know this guy better. Please? Help a brother out?”

Eijirou chuckled, not looking up from the calico cat that had settled itself, purring, in his lap. _How did he even manage that? Where the fuck did that cat come from?_ Katsuki wasn’t jealous. Absolutely not. 

“You want me to wingman for you?” Eijirou asked, attention still focused on the fucking cat in his lap. 

Alright, so Katsuki was maybe a little bit jealous of a cat. Sue him. 

“Yes!” Pichu nearly shouted it, drawing some looks from surrounding tables. The cat on Eijirou’s lap snapped to attention, too, eyes wide and ears pricked. 

“Kami!”

“Whoops, sorry,” he cringed, then turned back to the table and, lowering his voice, said, “Yes, Kirishima, the bestest of best bros, could you plEA S E be my wingman for your hot new coworker?”

“Of course, bro!”

Katsuki scoffed. “You’re such a fucking disaster, Pichu. What, you can’t get into his pants yourself?”

Eijirou raised an eyebrow. “I mean, at least he _introduced_ himself, babe.”

He could feel his face get red as he thought back to the utter catastrophe that was his and Eijirou’s first meeting. 

“I sense there is a story here, Kiri please elaborate? Cuz judging by how red Blasty over here is, he’s not gonna tell me shit.”

“Shut up,” he snarled, slamming his hand on the table. Unfortunately, he got the feeling that his tomato face wasn’t exactly helping his case. 

The fucking calico had the goddamn audacity to put a paw on Katsuki’s leg and meow as if it were asking him to calm down. Flabbergasted, Katsuki stared at it for a moment before spluttering a “Bitch–?!”

And Eijirou and Pichu fucking laughed. “Aww, Brightheart,” Eijirou cooed, cupping the cat’s head in his hands. “Do you want my Bakubabe to stop yelling so much?”

It was probably nothing, just an animal reacting to its name, but the look the cat shot him after meowing back made it seem like it was agreeing with him. That, paired with the way Eijirou said “my Bakubabe” had Katsuki a blushing mess. 

He huffed, crossing his arms and looking away. 

Candlehead walked up with a gray cat draped across his shoulders. “So what do you want?”

“Your number,” Pichu absently replied. He froze for a heartbeat, processing what just came out of his mouth, then seemed to shrug mentally and say “fuck it”–he followed that up with, “Hey, you seem really cool, and I really want to get to know you better, Shinsou! As friends, as something else, just…please?” It wasn’t much of a speech, but by the time he finished he was chewing on his lower lip, and Katsuki could almost _feel_ him twisting his fingers together under the table. 

Candlehead stared at him levelly for a second, and then–and then he started writing something on his notepad. He tore off the sheet and dropped it on the table, saying, “I’m fine starting off as friends, Kaminari. Now, what do you guys want to drink?”

Both of them did their best to play it cool through the ordering process, but Katsuki could see the pink on their faces. And when Candlehead finally left, both Eijirou and Katsuki immediately rounded on him. 

“Kaminari Denki, you smooth motherfucker, you don’t need me to do anything!” 

Meanwhile, the blond dumbass looked like he’d been smacked between the eyes. “Did–did that just happen?”

“Yeah it did, dipshit. Congratulations, you’ve got yourself an almost-boyfriend.” Katsuki was surprised to find he meant it, even a little bit. Since when did he give a shit about what went on in Kaminari’s private life?

“Thanks, Bakubro, but I think I’m very much in shock so if—”

“Ow ow oW OW OW CLAWS–! Brightheart, sweetie, I love you to pieces but you’re dangerously close to my dick, please–!!”

He thought he had misheard earlier, but now that he heard it again… “Brightheart? Like fuckin Warrior Cats Brightheart?”

Eijirou stopped wrestling with the cat in his lap. “Yeah, exactly like Warrior Cats! All the cats here are named after them. For example, the one that was on Shinsou earlier is Bluestar.”

“You read Warrior Cats too, Blasty?” Pichu broke in, mouth agape. 

_Fuck._

“Warrior Cats was a cultural phenomenon, _everybody_ read it,” Eijirou said. “The real question is, did you read all the series?”

Katsuki stared at him blankly. “There’s more than one?”

He watched as both of them seemed to go through all five stages of grief in the span of a few seconds. 

“Here are your drinks,” from above, and Candlehead was back, still with the gray cat–Bluestar?–across his shoulders. 

“Shinsou, please tell me you read all the Warrior Cats series,” Pichu groaned from behind his hands. 

“Of course,” and he seemed almost insulted at the question. “Why?”

“Bakugou, here,” and oh no, Eijirou used his _name,_ “didn’t know there was more than one.”

He’d had enough of this. “I didn’t even want to read the first one to begin with! It’s a series about quasi-sentient cats, why would I? Yuu made me read them with her.”

“Warrior Cats is a beautifully crafted saga, featuring a plethora of well-rounded characters and some of the most poignant conflict-resolution arcs in fiction, children’s books or no!” Pichu cried. 

“Not to mention some of the most accurate depictions of mental illness, including PTSD and some flavor of antisocial personality disorder,” Eijirou added. 

“Alright fine, but did any of you read Animorphs?”

To his right, Eijirou raised his hand. “They were really weird, and if that was the defining book series of your childhood it explains a _lot._ ”

“Wasn’t that the series with body horror galore and the brain-controlling alien parasites?” Candlehead asked. 

“Yeah, weren’t they the Jerks?”

“The Yeerks, Pichu.”

“Eh, close enough.”

“Rereading the series you also get a good look at the hella hot takes on ethics and what it means to be sentient, to say nothing of the stance on war.”

“Wasn’t there a weird alien deer-centaur thing, too?”

“His name is Ax, and he’s the best part,” Katsuki snapped. 

“Ax is an adorable cinnamon roll,” Eijirou agreed. 

“He certainly fucking eats enough of them.”

“Kay. Well, you three enjoy your drinks and your discussion of children’s lit, I gotta get back to work,” Candlehead said, already walking away. 

“Wait!” Pichu blurted out.   
He didn’t say anything, just stopped and looked over his shoulder inquisitively. 

“What time does your shift end? I don’t wanna bother you when you’re still working.”

He blinked. “3:30.”

“Alright, talk to you then, Shinsou!”

“Talk to you then, Kaminari.” And he walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess what series I read as a kid? 
> 
> Side note, let’s say I was considering writing a ShinKami-centric spinoff/sequel of this AU. And let’s say I’ve got several major scenes/plot points already planned and written out. Would anyone be interested in reading that?
> 
> Also hOLY SH I T THIS MADE IT TO 100 KUDOS?! Imma be honest, I thought maybe ten people would read this total, and now here we are. Thank you all so much for, idk, enjoying my highly indulgent bullshit? Spreading it around? I am #Blessed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring a sneak peek, a minor freakout, and a moment of peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OwO What’s this? Do I spy a pair of chapters of comparable length? Will I keep this up? Idk, probably not, but take this before I delete it and completely rewrite it AGAIN

Pichu watched Candlehead walk away, then he sighed like some shitty shoujo protagonist and turned back to the table. “Shall we get started, Kiri bro? You did bring your notes, right?”

“Dude, you double-checked at least seven times before we left. Yeah, I’ve got the goods right here.”

“Perfect, lemme see…”

Katsuki looked on in feigned disinterest as they bent their heads over papers littered with sketches, doodles, and notes. Upon closer inspection, those were designs for the characters’ hero outfits, what looked like villains, civilians, maybe a new character? As soon as Katsuki moved to take a closer look, however, Eijirou moved to cover it. 

“Sorry, babe, it’s…uhhh…that character isn’t ready to see the world yet,” he laughed. 

Katsuki raised an eyebrow. “You’re always ready to talk about all your characters, _especially_ the ones who aren’t ready to see the world yet. They’re like your fuckin kids or something. The fuck makes that one so special?”

Over the break, he had woken up to a string of texts from his boyfriend absolutely ranting about these characters, on multiple occasions. Sometimes he’d still be awake when Katsuki woke up, and he’d bully Eijirou into sleeping. He’d heard rants about characters that had already existed, characters that had yet to show up, and characters that had been scrapped completely. Katsuki sometimes helped him flesh out a character, and sometimes Eijirou figured out what they were missing on his own. 

So for there to be a character he didn’t know anything about? Yeah. That was beyond weird. 

Eijirou grinned, winked, and sang, “It’s a surprise~!”

He squinted at him. “Did you make me a cha—”

“Shhh,” Eijirou interrupted, holding his index finger to Katsuki’s lips. “It’s a surprise, I said.”

Katsuki stared at him flatly for a moment, then opened his mouth and bit his fingertip. The yelp he got as a result made him grin, and Eijirou snatched his hand away. Cocking an eyebrow, he said, “Careful, I bite.”

“Bakugoouu,” he whined, “whyyyyy?”

“’S not my fuckin fault you put your finger near my mouth, shitty hair.”

“So you bite everything that comes near your mouth? Or at least suck it in?”

“Depends on what it is,” he purred, and they had matching grins on their faces even as Katsuki felt more than a little–nervous? anxious? _something_ –about what they were implying, and—

“Really? Right in front of my salad?”

In unison, Katsuki and Eijirou turned their heads to see Pichu looking utterly done with both of them. 

“You don’t have a fucking salad.”

“It’s the _spirit_ of it, Bakubro!” 

Eijirou just laughed and said, “Imma be honest with you, bro, I forgot you were there for a sec.”

“Kiri. My dude. The bro-est of all my bros. That’s just fuckin _cold._ ”

Katsuki snorted into his drink, spilling some of it, and used the opportunity to excuse himself to the bathroom. 

It was a single bathroom, the kind you’d find in a house or a gas station. One toilet, and a sink with a mirror over it. And, of course, everything was patterned with the offensive pink-and-purple pawprints. 

Bracing his hands on the edge of the sink, Katsuki stared at his reflection and just… _breathed._ His heart rate was still elevated slightly, and his shoulders were tense as hell, and he frowned and focused on the breathing exercise he’d been using for years. 

_In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8…_

Once he’d calmed down, he pulled out his phone and made a reminder to himself to figure out what the FUCK just happened, before splashing some water on his face and exiting the bathroom. 

Eijirou and Pichu were back at work when he sat down, papers organized just enough to leave him a clear space at one end of the table. 

“Are you two gonna work on that the entire time?” Katsuki asked, slouching into his spot next to Eijirou. 

“Yeah, sorry babe. We use these weekly meet-ups to like, plan out major plot points, themes, stuff like that.”

“If you fuckin put half that effort into studying you wouldn’t have failed your math class last semester.”

“I didn’t fail it! I _almost_ failed, and I owe my passing grade to Todoroki.”

He snorted. “Just let me know if you ever need my help with your homework or whatever.”

“Sure thing, babe~”

“Aww, you’re so sweet, Bakubro! I’ll be sure—”

“You weren’t fucking included, Pichu!”

He squawked indignantly, Eijirou laughed, and Katsuki smirked as the two of them went back to their comic. For a moment Katsuki sat there, mulling over what he wanted to do. The thought of writing briefly crossed his mind, but his desire for privacy made him decide against it. 

So he pulled out his class shit and started copying over his calc notes, working to the ~~comforting~~ rhythm of shuffling papers, the cadence of their voices, even the warmth of the cat that plopped itself against his hip. At one point Eijirou slid his hand around to Katsuki’s back, idly stroking and soothing. Not expecting it, he briefly stiffened–as soon as he realized it was just his boyfriend, he relaxed into the contact. 

They had an hour to spend as they pleased, and that’s exactly what they did: Katsuki went over his notes, Eijirou and Kaminari worked on their comic, and neither one of them tried to drag him into a conversation. No, both of them seemed more than happy to just exist in the same space as him, and the only contact maintained between them was Eijirou’s hand on his back. 

That was fucking _weird._ Not so much that he let his boyfriend touch him, more that there were multiple people that wanted him around. As far back as Katsuki could remember, nobody ever wanted to simply live their lives around him. Whenever there was another human being within three meters of him, there was always an accompanying sense of either competition or outright dislike. Needless to say, quietly doing his own thing alongside a pair who wanted nothing from him was a novel experience. 

After a moment, Katsuki mentally revised the thought. There were people who were content to exist next to him, but that was a status they had to work up to over the course of years. Literal fucking _years._ He had never reached this level of comfort with other people so quickly before.

Roughly fifteen minutes before their time ran out, Eijirou took his hand off to gesture vehemently– _Probably making a point._

And then he didn’t. Put. It. Back.

His pencil slowed, then stopped altogether as he shot his boyfriend a look out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t even doing anything with it anymore, just letting it sit there on the table. 

Unacceptable. Katsuki’s back was cold in the exact print of Eijirou’s hand. He wanted it back in its spot. 

They weren’t talking to each other, just focused intensely on whatever was immediately in front of them with the sort of intensity that only comes from avoidance. Whatever they had just been discussing must’ve been divisive. As Katsuki opened his mouth, he was hit with the sudden urge to not say anything. Instead of listening to that little voice, however, he shot it in the goddamn face and shoved the corpse into the Pacific Ocean. 

Mentally, of course. It was a voice in his head, not an actual person. 

“Put your fucking hand back,” he growled. Startled out of whatever reverie he was in, Eijirou jumped and looked over at him. 

“Put my…on your back?”

“Yes, dumbass!”

“Ah…sorry, I just thought you’d probably gotten tired of me touching you.”

Katsuki snorted derisively and turned back to his notes. “If I had a fucking problem with it I would’ve said something. Don’t fucking stress so much, idiot.”

“Oh. Ok.” And the hand worked itself around to his back once more. He took one last glance at Eijirou before his pencil started moving again, and he felt a tiny glow of happiness at the almost imperceptible smile on his face. “Hey, Kami, what if we…”

Katsuki tuned them out again, content to let them talk about whatever the fuck they were talking about as he finished up his review in the remaining time. 

When they were walking out, Katsuki turned to the two dumbasses and said, “Don’t count on me showing up every week. I only came this time cuz Shitty-Hair over here asked me to.”

“So what I’m hearing is, if I want you to come some weeks you will?”

He narrowed his eyes. “That’s not what I fucking said.”

“But it’s what I heard. And you didn’t exactly deny it, Bakubabe~”

“Not to be the responsible friend, because I’m NOT and I’m proud of that, but we gotta go. We promised we’d take Mina to lunch today.”

“Wanna come with?”

“Fuck no. I’ve got a class soon.”

“Aww. Text you later babe!”

“Bye Bakubro!”

“Don’t fucking call me Bakubro!”

It was nice, he thought as he watched them walk away, being around people he didn’t absolutely hate. 

_Shame there’s so few of them out there…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I projecting somewhat onto Bakuboi here? I think the better question is, when am I NOT projecting onto any of these characters? Literally every single one of these assholes is me at one point in time or another. 
> 
> Put out in honor of the og Grumpy Cat, Tartar Sauce. You will be missed, you old sourpuss.


End file.
